Smart idea may come too late
it is Impossible to list all the reasons for which a person turns for help to a psychologist. The psychiatrist also listens carefully and choose from his extensive chemical Arsenal, which will change the way you think. The psychologist also needs to be a large supply of aid, but only verbally. Psychology inherited its role ancient traditions of the conversation.Just before it was not a psychologist, and an elder in the village, the priest or someone else who was considered the Ariadne is able to bring the lost from the dark labyrinth of his soul.
Regardless of whether a particular therapist is wise or not, patients expect that it will provide reasonable advice and help to cope with life's difficulties.
So for me it was surprising to find that men and women who came to me in search of the best ways of life did not take my advice. Most often, the dialogue proceeded according to this scheme: -Why would You?.....
" Yes!" Of course. But.....
This scheme is repeated so often that I'm sometimes surprised when someone actually follows my advice.
Example:
If you want to maintain a relationship with the man you love, leave him alone, demanding that he would indefinitely prove his love to you. Don't check it repeatedly throughout the day to make sure that he is not cheating on you. Do not complain endlessly that it doesn't apply to you properly.
If you want to advance at work, don't embarrass your boss contradicting him publicly. Do not come to work 10 minutes late every day. Do not start fights with your colleagues, because you need to show them that you are not afraid of them.
You these tips seem logical? It You and without me know?!
Then the case study:
Consider Sasha, so I gave her a call, I think, what is gender indeterminate name was appropriate for a "girl" living in a Dorm with other students. For starters, Sasha invited to a party roommate, as student to student, friend, Savior, and provider, if necessary. Thinking that all is already quite fun and sweet; it will not come, she ate the cake because he was hungry. And everybody already was quite drunk and wasn't supposed to notice this is not a significant loss. When I asked her why she's back "was scored for all", although insisted that tired of being alone and wants to all be friends - she said, "I couldn't do anything about it". What could it mean?
likewise behaved like a man, when he appeared in the apartment of his ex-girlfriend and would not leave until he has helped in this decision by the police. "I had to stay with her,' he said to me, - I too hurt when I leave! It's other guys can fuck off when they send you! I'm not! I have to decide when the relationship has already ended!"
the Reasons why people don't take the advice may be different. Of course, the first place are various mental disorders, but this is not a common case.
most Often, it is the banal desire to deny yourself what you want. Whether it's alcohol or drugs, gambling or sexual harassment. But also, as in the case of the man, it may be the desire to be close with someone else even if this person does not want to be there. There are types of more subtle pleasures such as the search for revenge , the secret of power and so on.
the Second reason is fear. The patient is not able to dare to change your job, think about the divorce or the other way to change your life to live more happily. Because fear of failure is present in the present is stronger than the possible prosperity in the future.
It can also be a simple habit. Many people just "stuck in a rut". They can't lend a hand to improve their lives, because "it wouldn't be me". They can't go on a Dating service, or looking for work in a remote area, or study new skill, because they don't see themselves in a new role.
Given all these psychological resistance, as a psychologist can help patients to change?
the Purpose of psychology is to help patients get where they want to go in life. However, the problem is that they don't always know where they want to. They think they want one thing but their actions indicate that they really want something else...
the Second, more important problem lies in the fact that the attainment of what they seek, almost inevitably involves changes, which they feared, avoided or just lazy. As the search for a new job or a divorce.
we Should also remember that some advice is always useless. I'm not saying the person in love with the wrong person, to stop seeing this man. It is not feasible, the Council for the lover. But sometimes, it happens that the psychologist long "drip on the brain", and the result is someone else, whose advice was finally heeded.
I tried to help a young girl who could not find a good job. I was unable to convey to her the idea that she needs to meet the expectations of the authorities about her appearance. But she "had too much respect for their individuality" and every time I had to calm her down after another failure. But she was denied again and again. Every time I've asked her to speak with someone about how to dress correctly. She ignored my advice. Some time later, her friend told her the same thing ... she got a new job.
the Reason why I remember this case, that she came to me with a completely different question. More precisely one "Why didn't you give me this advice sooner?" indignantly, she almost cried. Although I told her the same thing a dozen times. But she didn't remember, because I was not ready at that time to hear.But now, when the time came and she finally heard not only loud internal voice dictating to her what she wants and what she doesn't like, and the quiet voice of reason, though not its her life began to change.
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