for the sake of Experiment.
Let's imagine that our growing child is our best friend. The best. Friend whom we haven't seen and waited for his arrival... let's say... 5 years. A friend, whom we love very much. We are extremely happy that it finally arrived!
If our best friend and say something, what we absolutely do not agree, to prove his innocence to insanity will not. No, of course, we might argue, even a little scream, but friends can not stop. For two reasons: we value that person, our relationships are in equal positions - one at the top and both on the same level. Position of respect.
With such a person we want to spend time over a Cup of tea to hear his thoughts, share your. May we find pleasure to walk in the Park, sing campfire songs, read books, just to be quiet together... to each his own. Most importantly, both friends in the relationship well. Just good.
so, for a moment let's imagine for our child - his best friend.
I Wonder what would be then the relationship with the kids? Something would have changed? Sure, you can!
it is Clear that the child and the other is still different statuses. Or not? Can a child be a friend to mom and dad? Conversely, is it possible that the parents were the child's friend? A friend is one of the roles of a parent. Not the only, but important!
It is when we, as parents, are moving into this role, we find ourselves in the "zone access" maturing of the personality. In this "zone", and only there, we have the opportunity to touch the thin strings of the soul of a teenager. And they are always fine, even if seen differently. Referring to these strings, we are able to understand what a person lives, what he thinks, how he sees the world, how he sees himself in this world that he knows about life, which he has experience where it is not clear to him.
It was here in this "zone of access" parents can do something useful for your child. Well, or conversely, to discourage the desire to open up and let the ignorant adults in the world unseen.
now, Let's practice.
How to get us in the "access area" of the teenager (keep in mind the image of a friend, so it's easier):
1. Constantly (not once a month!) spending time together in the manner which is interesting and enjoyable to both.
it would be no sacrifice on the part of parent. "I'm only doing this for my son/daughter". So it will not work. A few of these "pastimes" this case will come to naught. It is good to be both! It would be better to look for this common interest.
In the end, it can be tea and Goodies on Fridays. And for tea and conversation, talking and frankness.
Constancy and "all good" - the basic criteria.
2. Look, than there lives the child and show your interest in his interest.
It is not very difficult. A little will, care and, Yes, time. This does not mean that we need constantly to draw, if he draws, or listen to the music that he was listening.
For example, draws throw from Internet for interesting ideas, buy new paint, you can see along his drawings.
And even play together in a computer game (exception: playing with violence).
3. Conflicts, disputes, quarrels. Anywhere from them not to go. And it is not necessary. To avoid conflict, to gloss over them, to try to please or, on the contrary, pressure is not all the methods from the "zone".
OK if we disagree, opposite opinion, but from a respectful friendly position. Disagree - clearly substantiated and offered to make a choice.
just As God is with us. He openly and honestly expresses Their position, warns of the consequences and offers us to make a choice.
4. Criticism of personality - the antidote to friendship!
This item is similar to the previous one, but still wanted to allocate.
Oh, of course we all know that you cannot criticize the person but only the behavior of the individual. But somehow, in the moments whether its fatigue, or because the habit is not developed, we turn to the individual. And destroy trust... Everything. Teenager, but any age person hears "you're so/so..." and pop! "Access area" is closed. Influence is impossible!
So Yes, criticize not the person but the actions.
5. Forgiveness.
And yet the parent is always the opportunity to rehabilitate himself, when he made a mistake and left the "zone".
Many moms and dads make mistakes. Rather, all moms and dads make mistakes.
Not making excuses, but it is a fact that we often lack experience and basic knowledge of how to build relationships in the family, how to raise children, etc.
the Unspoken "I'm sorry" is not going anywhere. Goes into guilt, then anger, and then it can be everything... mad at yourself or loved ones, or both... ("too" 😊)
to be Continued.
What do you say? What agrees with it or not? What can you add? What I would like to ask?
!
