Dear parents, we continue our conversation about what prevents us to love their children, which contributes to the devastation of our parent "vessel of love". And today I would like to talk to you about one of the "enemy" of love – life experience!
Yes, Yes, I was not mistaken, and it will be just the same about our accumulated baggage of views on the world, other people, relationships, skills, devices of this world, the ways of reacting in certain situations.
Who would have thought that our experience might not benefit for children. Our life experience, our views, our ways of reacting, are not always useful and reasonable, and with this thought, you will have to get used to if you embarked on the path of self-education, wanting to build with the child good relations.
of Course, when a child is born, the adult world is changing: from now on, you as parents are responsible for the well-being of the baby. Yes, you understand that the child will not always be left tiny and defenseless, will not always need your help, your support, your advice, your answers to their many questions of "why?" "how?" "how?", etc.
You know perfectly well that the child will grow up and will live his adult life, he will make decisions and take responsibility for them as he can. To purchase your own experiences, make their mistakes and make their own conclusions. You know, because they themselves held the same way. But I think that the moment when he will be quite for adults so far, and time there is still a lot!
While the child is still a baby, he depends on you completely and you care about him as they can, as it turns out, and of course, you with this helps your life experience. Yes, and life experiences of the grandparents of the baby, uncles and aunts, to help us, where do without it! Help anyone who can! Everyone knows how the best thing for her baby!
the Danger can lie in wait for those parents who, as children get older, take on unlimited responsibility for his life and well-being, forgetting that with age, the child becomes more Autonomous, separated and needs more to complete depending on how in infancy. These parents simply believe that without them, the child will definitely make a bunch of fatal mistakes and ruin your life will be miserable loser capable of nothing. And these parents begin to lead always and everywhere, saying at each opportunity: "I know what's best for you" - that would "explain" why they are acting this way towards him, why they decide everything for him.
Yes, as long as a child is very young and while he "understands nothing", and also did not know how to lead them and guide him in the "right direction" simply. But when the child grows up and he has his opinion, begins to defend what is valuable, emotionally separated from their parents, then the real fun begins: parents become Intrusive and a recommendation to "share" their experiences, thinking about what he is bound to be useful to the child. Oblivious to the fact that the Soviets and water, you need only to those who ask. Parents are confident that they "know best" their child, actively promoting its position, parallel to rejecting the thinking of the child
Faced with this more and more often, children have the tendency to "escape" from under the hood of parental love and to do something different as they want, as they decided, because they want autonomy, they want independence! Gradually, they learn to hide a lot, avoiding talking "heart to heart", which is always one single thought: "Mom and dad know better, don't live your mind, you understand nothing!".
And kids understand a lot and seen so much, and not always doing the wrong thing. We also have a lot to learn from children, but we don't want, because again we "all know better", we are experienced. But age does not give us the insurance from delusion, erroneous decisions, actions, biases, and we are confident that the opposite is true.
I think sometimes useful to all for adults wonder whether we should be "knowing better"? Whether we agree to pay for this stance by the loss of confidence of our children or their complete apathy and willpower towards life? Do we get the full and undivided "right" and losing all contact with the child? And do we agree to associate with that person, always all knowing and right about everything? Do you agree to continue to "push" their case, even if you know that, perhaps, is your relationship so may alienate you from the child that he will rush to look for support somewhere on the side, but you never know how good the people he would meet?
Dear parents, of course, we're not talking about what your life experience is not necessary, that it is "bad" that he is the only one hurt! No, it is not so! You should remember that not always your experience is useful to the child. Your life experience - personally yours, and the child – individual, is quite another, and that for you was good and you was good, can not always be the same for him. We are all making mistakes, always learn from this experience. We are all wrong and mistaken. It is the norm. There are no ideal solutions and ideal actions. But the personality of each of us is only by committing their own mistakes based on our internal misconceptions.
Learn, dear parents, to take into account not only his own opinion, but the opinion of a child, learn to accept that the child may be disagree with you that he has every right to do! Even if you realize that he's wrong that he thinks wrong, listen to the child and help him to understand what is wrong, help him understand how to act reasonable. But even if the child decides to make his own way, being unreasonable, it would be his personal experience, and it's too good and useful!
Be helpers to their children, dear parents, giving them the opportunity to live their own lives, support them and believe in them, they are your children, you have so much invested in them and it will yield fruit that will delight you.
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