My parents were virgins.
At 22, even at the time of the enumeration.
However, dad was known as the Dorm slut,
but he went for the women to eat
because he lived on a stipend.
To the first mother he also went to eat.
And when the Institute started talking about the wedding,
mother threw the book
"As a girl becomes a woman."
But my mom threw it away, not opening it.
They were scared of me to do.
They were strange to me to do.
it was painful for me to do.
It was ridiculous of me to do.
And I absorbed:
to live scared.
Life is strange.
to Live in pain.
to Live is very funny.
once in the classroom for psychogenetic our young and very enthusiastic teacher told us that it will take not so many years, and we will order your children with a certain set of qualities. Aggressive will not all be smart and beautiful. "Well, come on, darling me, how space ships travel through the Large theater", we thought. Already proven that intelligence is inherited 99%, and adopted children are still much more similar to their relatives, whom they never saw, than the family that raised them.
Studied a variety of mechanisms of inheritance. Much transmitted genetically, some processes occur during pregnancy, some after birth. For example, there is a lot of literature on the impact of stress of mother on fetus during pregnancy. To argue with the fact that we get kind of serious baggage, it is meaningless.
each kind in the suitcase there are a couple of skeletons. Violence, murder, suicide, events which are made to be ashamed of, for example, sexually transmitted diseases, illegitimate children, second family — all of which can create transgenerational trauma. Crucial whether this trauma is what these skeletons do.
I would call two markers transgenerational trauma: voltage in some topic and the absence of someone or something.
'Yesterday mum showed the photo. It was only half the picture.My life lacked the same half.'
Keep reading.
'Today I went through her closet and found old albums. On all pictures parts are missing. I think it was my father. I want to meet him. Mom needs to understand that I don't care who he is and what he is and what he did to her. She can't deny me that right.'
"All about my mother"
Or as once told my client about his father: "the album I see your baby pictures, which it is not."
There is a common illusion that if something is not, it does not affect us. Only it's not true. It's like thinking that black holes do not affect space. They are an important part of the system, which plays a role in the fact that everything remained as it is. Also the blind spots of our history play a huge role in what happens to us.
for Example, my client didn't develop a personal life, the periods of loneliness gave way to an unhappy relationship. She was the only child in the family, about their children in such circumstances and the question. In fact, the family just died out. Once it was revealed that her grandmother was not her mother. His own mother has left the father of my client child. He survived a huge unconscious resentment against the mother and fear of women and affection. We found out that my client's father is always very attacking her femininity, angry at, ashamed of her sex and avoided getting attached to her. She felt very bad, not worthy of love and found the same partners. The discovery of family secrets helped her to absolve themselves of responsibility for the lack of love of the father.
So the absence of grandparents has always influenced the life of a man who about it knew nothing. Not every person can ruin the life of, let's understand why this happens.
theNegation. Denial is a tricky thing, its very difficult to see, especially if you used something undeniable since childhood. A family member can be deleted or cancelled from the memory or can be removed feeling to it. Can't count how many I've seen clients who say they don't care that they don't know his own father. It's not important. None of them had happiness in his personal life, none. Most did not have more or less permanent relationship.
Mystery. It's such a closed door. The theme around which a strong tension. The air is thick, though cut it with a knife. The reality is that nothing disappears from the history of nothing to hide. Know how often to come alive secrets? Relatives, suspecting nothing, I repeat them from generation to generation, with different variations. I knew a girl whose father left her mother is still pregnant. She quickly remarried, she was raised by her father not a native, but she didn't say. At age 20 she became pregnant, but soon after the birth of the child understand that he doesn't love her man, left him and took the child to another country.
Unmourned grief. Yes, such a simple thing like tears — the key to the very doors. People don't want to grieve, do not want to recognize all the sad things that happen with them and this is passed to the next generations the heavy load. You know, there are charming and cheerful people, with jokes, rhymes, and songs, only now they have the sick and sad children? Many such examples can be seen by simply turning on the television.
without taking his pain, people acquire defenses, become distant and cold, insensitive to others ' pain, and with this structure it is very difficult to grow a healthy baby, because it needs tons of sympathy and warm-heartedness kilojoules.
Intolerable experiences. Injury occurs when something cannot be accepted, experienced, digested. Then memories of this mutate, create unhealthy patterns, complicated and dumb ways passed down from generation to generation.
One day my friend told me he was at home with her very elderly grandmother and mother. My friend, O., peeling potatoes, the potatoes were bad and had to cut. At some point she noticed that grandma is behaving strangely, she anxiously went on between her and mother-in-law. It turned out that she tries to distract the mother-in-law to take her attention from O Grandmother grew up in the village, there was married, her own mother-in-law was very cruel to her, abused and punished her. Grandma had projected the situation to my friend, was sure that much should be blamed for the fact that the badly peeling potatoes and trying to save his granddaughter.
It's a little funny example, but it illustrates well how from generation to generation some behavior, has long lost meaning and has become inadequate. Along with the behavior transferred fears, clamps, obsessions...
the Most difficult thing in the analysis of transgenerational transmission — mutation information. It begins with the events they evoke feelings, these feelings are protected as I have described, the children passed on inadequate information, and that their children are already getting the disease. History is lost, but the symptom remains and descends into the body.
Spell all this can only rewind time back. Need to go back and to return the history to consciousness, to sort out, to restore the missing information, to mourn the unmourned. As in "Alice in Wonderland", where she engages in some crazy and dangerous act, trying to play by the rules of the fantasy world of the abnormal, even starting to get used to it. Until she suddenly realizes that the Queen could not cut off her head and wakes up saying: "why, you're just a deck of cards!".
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