you May have seen sometime that a friend endlessly complains about her husband or talks about their suffering, fatigue and pain, but any advice "change/go away!" skips on deaf ears or finds a million ways to tell the Council.
Yes, sometimes the complexity of the current circumstances, but 99% of the problems that have already started are understood and did not dare contain HUGE secondary benefit!
In psychoanalysis secondary benefit is understood as a benefit that the patient receives from already established symptoms, that is, he did not expect to receive these benefits in the beginning, but after receiving them, does not want to lose.
This benefit leads to the formation of symptoms, but helps to perpetuate the illness and resistance to treatment.
Outwardly, the person may very much want to get rid of the situation to talk about it, but nothing has changed, and if changed, then so that you can back include and again to the house.
Because the desired goal is somewhere in daaaaam, and the benefits are already here!
for Example, a friend who's always complaining about her husband, but does not terminate the relationship, what benefit?
the Support of friends, emotional stroking, self-generosity, a noble martyrdom "in sorrow and in joy together" (although in this case the grief that he's kicking her cheating and insults).
What else can she do to?
Inner resolution not to carry the request/promise/work plans, as she has all thoughts are full of feelings!!!
AND YES, they do heroine sincerely upset and suffering is not himself, but do not get over once and for all, because the invisible threads of good unconsciously envelop every passive thought.
But it is primarily her CHOICE to suffer and to feed yourself with it. But if you tell her, it will only cause anger and resentment, and the desire to understand.
You may feel that YOU HAVE certainly no benefit! What are YOU all about yourself understand it, all before the atoms laid out in my head! This is just partners across stupid, evil bosses and overweight "do not lose weight"! So all you have to give up, to suffer or to regret the impossible.
I Assure you that a secondary benefit – a very powerful brake on the way to the goal! And only if you realize your true reasons to leave the problem as is, you will be able to solve it!
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