was Thinking today about the feeling of pity. Once for me it was degrading, harmful and unworthy feeling. The word "pathetic". The guy who tried to feel sorry for me, I pushed with the wording: "don't feel sorry for me!" Well estessno not allowed myself to feel sorry for yourself and others.
As if pity is about power and sense of superiority. I have miserable, and he is arrogantly condescending to me, is, sadly condescending looks at me from his throne and Advocaat a halo. Or another option, criticizing with a hint of accusation in her voice, "Why complain? Chose this. Suffer in silence or do something!"
In both cases, the process tunately the word "pathetic" about distancing from those experiences that led me to the fact that I'm complaining. Moreover, this distancing is expressed in a markedly superior manner. Because there is an option on equal terms: "I See that you feel bad, but sorry, I do not want / cannot / no strength to empathize". This response is often called offensive. Like "tired of whining" - it does not hurt.
Well. For a long time I was going to understand and, most importantly, the experience of another's sense of pity. The word "sorry."
When you have a person capable to share the burden of heavy emotions. "Yeah, sorry that it happened, it's not easy." So important when there are people who are able to withstand negative feelings, to be sensitive to the feelings, but not to save them. Simply return your feelings.
Often hear, and she thought that whining is bad, because only whine and do nothing. But in order to do something, we need to understand first, it is so bad that I'm not ready to take any more; second, I want to replace it; third, are there resources to do something and where to find them. Perhaps there are still some issues, but so far these three have come.
And sometimes its sensitivity to discomfort is so low that it takes years of nagging to finally to get bored of it, all around tire to notice this and come to the conclusion that it is necessary to do something.
And it will be a private solution which will lead to real action and changes in life.
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