Like many other articles, this material was born in the process of personal work with one of my clients.
"Film* looked again. I like it. You know, Dmitry, I have long noticed this kind of thing: if it's not love, then I can easily behave with men as the main character. But if feelings, self-esteem disappears. Don't know how to deal with it". (*"a walk to remember" (2002))
indeed, a huge number of women - from Schoolgirls to grandmothers face this problem.
Someone earlier, someone later, but almost everybody else goes through this, and the situation, which hit my client, is very revealing.
When a woman is easy to keep self-esteem?
When there is no pronounced love and strong emotions in relation to man, women can behave calmly and maintain a sense of self-worth.
But something breaks - everything! The correct behavior dissolves without a trace, and then, as a rule, and the relationship is not glued.
it turns Out that the woman is easy to maintain inner peace only in the case when encountered on her way an "object" (we will consider a man) is not particularly touches the strings of her soul.
It is clear: indifference — it and in Africa indifference. And I must say, in a measure indifferent attitude to the surrounding knights is a great "school" for the woman who wants to meet her man in shining armor and not lose him to his own stupidity.
But it often is the opposite: once a woman falls in love, common sense leaves it and makes you act in a silly way, threatening to destroy what is still only the beginning to line up.
Why is this happening, and what to do about it? Let's see.
"too much importance"
I call it "overdose importance".
This is an attempt to consider the relationship the highest value in life. It is the desire to obtain joy, pleasure, comfort, protection and other positive feelings and emotions from another person.
With all this, there is a hidden desire to exploit it (women, first and foremost, intellectually and emotionally).
How is it manifested? They want important to them the man always thought that his thoughts revolved around her, to speak to different tenderness, compliments, assured in its uniqueness, etc., etc.
to Enumerate all the desires of a woman is simply impossible, so focus at least in the above paragraphs.
So, it would seem that there is nothing to worry, however, it is not so. Badly waiting for it and receiving it, the woman almost instantly is bound to man, which is closed, i.e., realized by a certain set of needs.
It is from "grow legs" sayings "the Woman loves ears"
here is a very dangerous moment, which women because of its purity and, at times, naivete, tend to forget. It is the following:
A man to learn how to speak beautifully, to satisfy intellectual and emotional needs of a woman as most of the ladies will be ready to hang on his neck.
And this, unfortunately, is a serious mistake, because in doing so, the woman exhausts itself in a dependence on men. And all for what? Yes, high needs to be guarded, protected, loved, happy, supported, etc.
the men's room for manipulation
the Man, a creature even more primitive than the woman, however quite a stupid and can grasp the fact that what.
So, he can understand (or read) what the most important needs of a woman and give her what she wants, hitting her in the heart with a sharp arrow of Cupid.
the only Problem is that not always it is done honestly and from the heart. And then we have the vile manipulation that they need to put a good defense.
But this is just bad, getting what she wanted, the woman, figuratively speaking, falls at the feet of men and even in the latest rogue could see his hero, his beloved, his unique.
If the purpose of this particular man can be described capacious phrase "pomatrosil and threw" then from this moment on, the relationship will either completely fall apart or will continue to evolve to a deadlock scenario.
Fatal dependence on the alleged happiness in a relationship
Therefore, for women very important to feel and understand the idea of what is pernicious to expect from a relationship of pleasure, happiness and joy. It is these expectations cause her to act adversely.
And, speaking quite frankly, covering the woman strong feelings (we are talking about the early stages of the relationship) are almost always talking about what she wants wring from men more happiness and pleasure for yourself.
But it's ugly, unethical. So instead, she's even willing to go to a "victim" to give him the opportunity to squeeze happiness out of it. For what? In order to try to cause dependence in a man, if he has not yet succumbed to her charms.
Often the lack of self-esteem is confused with self-sacrificing love
it is Important not to confuse a weak sense of self-worth and self-sacrificing love.
In fact, love there's nothing here — the usual temporary insanity with strong feelings and emotions.
it follows From this simple conclusion: a woman ought deliberately to pull up. You need to keep yourself in check and keep track of your feelings and emotions towards the gentleman.
as soon As the woman notices that "suffered" the same day at the same hour, you need to calm down and think about favorable behaviors.
It's hard because I do not want to miss the pleasant sensations and feelings, which could be, you can't control it yourself. But that's the price.
Man should keep a certain distance
Until then, while the woman will keep a man beyond a certain distance from herself, she will not be able to build a truly strong and harmonious relationship.
Why? Because the dependence. And where there is dependence always included mechanisms for its destruction.
Only if the woman is not mad dependent on relationships and the joy, happiness and bliss they will bring, it will be "nothing to catch".
from Now on its not be misled by sweet words and beautiful promises. She already look differently at men and the whole situation.
She is able to combine a sense of dignity and a true, pure, sincere love.
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