Psychological help is already firmly established in our lives and ceased to be something exotic. Do not do so with children under the psychologist had a. And adolescence is probably the most difficult and unpredictable on the life of a person. Difficult for children, and for those who are near. Therefore, even parents who never resort to psychological help, often turn to a psychologist when their child is 12-13 years. br>
Parents come to therapy with different expectations from the game, and want to help everyone. So I will try here to describe what to expect from a psychologist that actually get and in what time frame and what is fiction.
Expectations
1. "I'll go once and everything will work out."
For the parent or just an adult who came with the problem, one meeting can indeed be useful. It might work if You came with a rather "fresh" situation and the stamina to solve it, but just don't see the options or are not sure of the correctness of their actions. If You want to take another look at the situation and outline ways of their solution - it's real. We can assume that the first encounter was a success, if You understand about yourself and your situation something new and felt that I could work with that specialist or refer to it in the future. br>
If You came with a teenager, most often the first meeting is just to say "hi", listen to the parent and teenager, and to enlist the preparedness to cooperate. Teenager because rarely is a psychologist himself, so that the contact may take more time, and guarantees that it will happen, no. And to work with the teenager without his consent will not work. br>
it Happens sometimes that a teenager comes to therapy on their own initiative, with emerging problem and the specific question "to myself" - for example, how to cope with prestarting excitement at the event. When the problem is not tied to the school or family, Teens learn and change just supernaturally fast, but to plan such miracles are unlikely. Therefore, I myself - and as a professional and as a customer, magic never expect and just roll up the sleeves and work. br>
So, in the typical case, the result of one or two meetings with a psychologist formed his opinion about the teenager about what the problem is and what to do next. br>
2. "Can you fix me baby"
There are parents who are willing to pay, and a lot of - that "all was well". If a teenager is willing to come to therapy, for 5-7 meetings it is possible to improve his emotional state. Sometimes it happens that the parent doesn't have the strength, resource, something to solve and discuss with a teenager – in the end, You yourself may be a midlife crisis or a family crisis. In this case, I can take on the role of "group support" Your child and You at this time parashute their problems and rejuvenate. br>
But if by "good" refers to "fix" the child - like, make (studied, sang, passed the exams, was polite, and helped around the house - underline), then You will be disappointed: it's possible, You just initially will be not better, but worse! Because supported by a psychologist, the teenager is gaining strength and will soon announce their needs, their indignation, disagreement with your actions. All those tensions and conflicts that you have exacerbated to the limit. br>
So just fair warning: if my client is a teenager, and I work with him and his interests. If You aim to help your child - we are with You along the way. Make it convenient - not my problem. br>
But the good news is that if Your relationship is not completely destroyed, they can "reformat". Usually after every 4-5 encounters with a teenager I am planning a meeting with a parent or a joint meeting, where you can look for ways to negotiate and improve relations. br>
And sometimes to hear each other, that's all people need. Sometimes I have a very joyful work, when a teenager, literally crossing the threshold of the Cabinet, begins to complain that, for example, parents do not give pocket money or not letting go in a trip. As a parent, after hearing through the feelings of a teenager who just shrugs and says, "Yes, when I'm not allowed? He didn't ask, but I do not think it is necessary." And leave me two a happy man. br>
3."You tell me, I can take it"
Competent and savvy in the psychology of adults often say, "we come to You for one (two, three...), the main tell me what to do, and we'll take it". br>
the problem is that once people "grounded" knowledge and understanding does not help – to know yourself. Because otherwise they already would have adjusted. Indicative in this respect the words of a parent: "I understand everything, it seems to be doing, but somehow nothing changes". br>
In such cases, and when it came to depression in teenager, when "blooms" riotous color psychosomatics, when the problem was created and compounded over several years - required to work not only with the teenager. Yes, dear parents. If a teenager stopped where he doesn't belong, a psychologist can offer You a personal meeting (or a few), or family therapy. br>
of Course, this requires money, time and emotional costs (to bring the teenager easier) , and parents are reluctant to this kind of work, so I suggest it is rare, but it is important and powerful tools of a psychologist. For example, there were cases in my practice when the parent has improved relations with the child, adjusting therapy and their views on education. Hats off to these active parents who ask to yourself no less than per child. br>
Why parent personal therapy?
Your child will progress in their own development is much more You. If You don't control their aggression, do not know how to defend their borders or to regulate their emotional state, how You can claim it from him? br>
Take care of yourself - even if the teenager categorically does not go to a psychologist, You do something no one bothers to ask for help! But then You will fully become a customer, and I work with You, not just giving advice "as to be with child." br>
the Topic here can be very different - from finding ways on how You can accompany your teen on the path of growing up to deal with personal problems. br>
Why do we need family therapy?
exactly the same is the case with the family - if the behavior of households sent in the custody of the son or daughter, "self-reliance" run into resistance. br>
for Example, parents often insist that they want to see their children independent, but refuse to trust a teenager to trust the teenager pocket money, because "he can spend them on something". Even fewer parents willing to trust a teenager control over grades and homework. Then you have to change the system of relations, is a special, great job, but the advantage is that the work is going with the whole family at once. This will fit You, if the problem affects the whole family, and family members willing to participate in its solution.
Reality
Reality is real. But, as said character is one fantastic film, it is possible to eat. And still get real help and support. br>
So, from 1-2 meetings You will receive established working relationship with a psychologist and a new look at the problem through the extension view of the situation or through expert opinion. br>
From 5-7 meetings to really get support - for yourself or the teenager, improve emotional state, to embark on the path of establishing a parent-child relationship. br>
10 sessions or more is a deeper, more therapeutic work to change the situation, condition and behavior of a teenager to improve vzaimootnoshenij in the family. If You decided on a long job, I'll have to trust me and not be interrupted abruptly without checking with me first. At least 1-2 meetings should be allocated for the completion of the work, because it is quite deep and trusting relationship, to finish that is necessary so that not to cause new injuries. br>
Personal therapy, parent or family therapy may be useful in difficult cases and when a parent or family will be ready to work on the problem..
In any case, work with a psychologist are steps in the direction of well-being and improve the situation. If you treat the meetings with the psychologist that's right - You will almost certainly get the benefit and effect.
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