by Analyzing the history of childhood customers very clear is the relationship between parental attitudes and the scenarios that repeatedly takes place in the relations of these grown-up children.
Why is this important to realize? Previous experience will be projected onto the external world is infinite, while in the unconscious parts of the psyche are long-standing emotions that are very difficult to pull out and let go. But for many people the first steps is understanding of their difficulties. So,
Hyper is of two kinds: conniving and dominant.
1) When lax hyperopic when there are no boundaries, the satisfaction of a child knows no limits, and only in adolescence, the conflicts (over the price of the most fashionable phone of choice of educational institution, interests of child, etc.)
you Can call the person, formed in this style, sadistic: such people have poorly developed empathy, they do not tend to think about others, but expect others in the relationship will satisfy their needs. If not, will come into effect a variety of manipulations designed to force the other to obey: this is usually the pressure on the guilt, shame, or threats and blackmail. br>
If a person does not feel enough power, the emotional life is filled with strong anxiety.
My strategy in the treatment: sadistic personality afraid to discover our own weakness, so in the beginning it is important not to treat them as "sick" or inferior, gradually encouraged their self-disclosure, not forgetting the fact that the responsibility for the choice lies on them, not on those who "had to take care of them." br>
Such clients can provoke aggression and win back the anger at the psychologist, it is easy to perceive, without changing its strategy, behaviour, and attitudes that will help them escape from such a negative psychological protection.
2) When the dominant hyperopic parent knows "how to" and the views of the child does not ask, limits and restrictions lot, but there are contact. Conflicts with parents occur near the age of three the child (crisis of three years) when the child is unconsciously seeking a way of dealing with their own desires with the help of building relationships with for adults.
My strategy in the treatment: in any case not to believe blindly in what the customer is unhappy and how heavy it was, the emphasis should on the strengths of the individual, his resources. br>
Faith of the psychologist in the power of the customer plays a key role in helping him to learn how to do your first steps and be aware of yourself as a worthy person who has the right to choose the life he wants.
Also, these clients, having within themselves a solid support, often asking for advice - I usually gently reflect only the conditions of their life goals and it is enough to see that I understand how hard it is to do them a choice. But you'll have to do it not to me but to them.
for the first And the second type of hyperopic it is essential to maintain emotional equanimity in the format of "adult-adult", while maintaining various checks and unconscious provocations customers. Thus, I as an expert can teach your client what lacked in the hard moments of childhood: respect yourself without the sacrifices (himself or other) and to achieve a sense of completeness of his powers.
Why does it work this way? Children adapting to a certain style of upbringing, gather such a view of himself and the right conduct that will best satisfy their desires, and their parents. It's a biological mechanism of learning and adaptation to the external environment on the psychosocial level.
Rarely it happens that they are not rigged, and behave for the protest to end, but this will be another article.
interestingly, very often the parents who in their own childhood dominant style, choose for their children potvorstvuet (and Vice versa), this is rationally explained by the fact that there is a wish for a child to give what he did not get. br>
needless to say that the truth is always somewhere in the middle and the extremes are harmful? How do you know where the Golden mean? The only answer I see to solve your adults problems, heal old wounds, and finally learn to understand, to feel another person (especially a child). Know what he is, what he needs and when to step aside.
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