do you Often remain silent about their feelings?
You experience unpleasant emotions in a relationship? It happens so that you have something to hate, but you keep it to yourself? How often do you suffer what don't you like? If Yes, then this story is for you.
If you answered "Yes" to my questions then most likely you are a very polite person. In the system of positive psychotherapy Pezeshkian is the notion of Politeness. It involves a lot of interesting phenomena in our lives. Politeness is that people can hide their true feelings, thoughts and experiences, not to spoil the impression of himself and to stay in contact with other people. Different people have this ability is developed in different ways, for example, our hypothetical neighbor Baba Valia easily willing to inform the other person what she thinks about it from the first minute of communication, what she likes (sometimes) and not like (most) not caring about what you think of her surrounding. She has a well developed Transparency. Courtesy – on the contrary, for example, when I experience discomfort from contact with the unpleasant person to me (say, Baba valley), but do not dare to tell him, suffer inconvenience at the expense of yourself, keeping the formally, externally good relations, but inside I (or you) discomfort.
the Reasons for this phenomenon may be different. Perhaps you are afraid that the neighbor will think about you badly, and be a bad person – it is terrible for you. Perhaps you are afraid that she will cease to communicate with you, if you show openness. Perhaps you think that you deserve such an attitude to yourself, because you are always to blame and could be. And if you've read this article, perhaps you yourself have experienced similar situations and know some reasons why you can't speak about their feelings openly when you hurt the other person's behavior, and because the other person could be anyone – your neighbor, the cashier at the supermarket, a postal worker of Russia, your boss, your husband, wife or your mother (or even all of them together). And if you go to the mail every day, then work colleagues and relatives at home communicate regularly, and this regular the discomfort can turn into a real nightmare of your life.
of Course, there are those among us who can speak about your discomfort to the other party, such people have a well developed ability to be open, but today it's not about them but about those who suffer from its excessively developed courtesy and not a developed ability to be open.
I often meet people who do not even know that you can be open in relationships and in communication. They have no such experience, they are afraid and hesitate, and hold a lot of tension. And to the question: "Why don't you tell him that you don't like what he's doing?" "what can it be?".
you Can! And even need!
I believe that if you tell the loved one that you don't like something in your relationship, something is hurting you or annoying – it will give you the opportunity to achieve understanding in this matter and to improve and strengthen your relationship. The opportunity to talk with each other – a valuable resource for building healthy relationships. This principle is one of fundamental principles including positive psychotherapy. To talk about the issue is an important step on the way to solving the problem. After all, your partner may not even know that you feel bad (it may, of course, and guess, and make you feel bad deliberately, that's another story). Scary? Don't believe you will succeed? I have good news for you!
New skills can be developed, even if you have adult people. It is possible! I've seen other people have developed new skills, including the ability to open up, I myself used to be a very polite person and gradually learned to be open to individual and group psychotherapy, and then transferred new skills in personal life.
Yes, developing new abilities not fast, it's a difficult path, and it will require your effort but if the price is improve your life, why not try?