When I hear from people: nothing can be changed, I am all go, etc.. Blame the government, the chiefs, the bad and the spouses, life circumstances. I want to return people to their will. And say, "Here you go! When you took it. I found, washed, cleaned, blew off the dust and she's back with you. Now you are weak-willed people who can't, not know, not in forces to change something in your life. Now you have your own will.
Sometimes in counseling, I bring a box, where lies the will of man. What I think it symbolizes. And presenting it to the client. It helps to look at life and things differently. But some refuse. Without the will to live well. You can complain, blame others, but nothing to do. And count myself a victim of circumstances. In lack a lot of virtues. Only life turns gloomy and hopeless. But, this choice. And of course, it is necessary to divide: where do you cannot change anything and should accept a situation where a person does not want to change anything under the guise of excuses.
It's called learned helplessness - a condition in which a person does not attempt to improve your life, although it has the opportunity
One friend told me that he had a neighbor who brought one of three children. He hasn't worked. Lived only on welfare. Every day he complained that the work did not take, and he agree to any. My friend went to a nearby kindergarten. Asked the Manager, are employees. It turned out that Yes. Looking for a night watchman. The salary is small, but the work is not dusty. My friend ran to the neighbor with the good news. But he looked on him as the enemy. Said the watchman it is not suitable. And then stopped to chat with my friends. Continuing to complain about life and to have the assistance of neighbors.
If the description of learned helplessness familiar to you, then perhaps you should return their will. I made recommendations that can help.
- stay motivated. Motivation is not a constant thing. Here today and gone tomorrow. It is always easier to return to a normal life, than to change something. Make a list of the cons of helplessness. Keep this list in an accessible place. For example, in the phone. If you want to back - back to him.
- Take charge of your life. Admit that you are an active participant. Even if you don't choose is also a choice for which you are responsible and pay the price.
- Create a detailed plan to improve your life with small steps that will do regularly. For example, the job you have got. Plan to place an ad, ask friends about work, etc. In the beginning it will be difficult. This is how to lift weights. First month and one kilo seems to be a ton. But with regular training the strength and endurance grows.
- Develop critical thinking. Learn to distinguish between facts and their perception. Ask yourself the questions. For example, do you think it's not worth starting some kind of business: still nothing. Ask yourself: "Why I'm sure nothing will happen?", "If I have facts that confirm this?" "If I have facts that can disprove it?".
- Reward yourself even for small victories. For example, ice cream.
of Course, it's hard to change your life and abandon the advantages which gives helplessness. But remember that the road by walking. And your life can change dramatically for the better. And you'll never want to go back.
!
