Psychotherapist Eric Berne revealed the secret manifestations of intrapersonal roles, and their influence on our behavior and relationships with other people.
the Analysis of the relationship begins with the identification of I-States parties to the interaction. Berne distinguishes three I (ego) -a state with which the individual interacts with the surrounding world.
According to the theory of Eric Berne, a psychoanalyst, psychotherapist, I hope you read his popular book "People which play games" , "Games people play", etc., in each of us along with three I-States: Parent, Child, or Adult.
Every I-state is both a positive and a negative aspect. Well, when a person is able to combine all these three positions: to be happy and caring Parent, and sensible for Adults.
Parent
All rules, regulations, prohibitions, prejudices, and morals that people learned in childhood from parents and other significant adults, are summarized in what is called "inner voice" or "voice of conscience". The parent seeks to manage, control, guide. His position in communicating a condescending or contemptuous, it is categorical, emotional, operates life experience and wisdom, he loves to teach, to edify, to moralize. the
Child
Child is behaving naturally, naively, spontaneously, he's fooling around, enjoying life, adaptable and rebels. In the position of a Child people often thoughtlessly go on about your own wants and needs. the
Child "wakes up" to a Mature man, when he is engaged in creativity, looking for creative ideas that spontaneously expresses emotions, playing and having fun. The position of the Child is the source of spontaneity and sexuality. the
Behavior, posture, facial expressions and gestures the Child is not flimsy, and live and active, they Express true feelings and experiences. The man-Child cry, laugh, lower his head, if you feel guilty, will pout if offended and so on. His speech is rich and expressive, filled with questions and exclamations.
Adult
I-Adult is intended to regulate and adapt the impulses of the Child and the Parent in order to preserve the balance of the psyche. This state of balance, tranquility, self-restraint. Solving the problem, the Adult will consider it from all sides, analyze, draw conclusions, prognosis, plan of action and implement it. It communicates with the position "from above" as a Parent or "from below" as a Child, and as an equal partner. Adult confident, talking quietly, cold and strictly business.
every role you are the same? Watch how changing your posture, voice, inner feeling in different roles. What are you a Parent, Adult, Child. In what role are most often?
in order to determine the nature of the relationship with any person, we must understand what roles you interact with each other: Parent, Adult or Child?
Each of the three I-States can be defined as the strategy and influence on the other person.
If I state the two people complement each other, the communication will run smoothly and last very long. Otherwise, misunderstandings, misunderstandings, quarrels, conflicts and other problems in communication.
Harmonious communication with positions
adult - Adult (in a couple, communication with children, communication with colleagues, etc.)
Parent - Child, Child - Parent (relationship with children, teacher-student, boss - employee, commander - soldier, master - slave, etc.)
Parent to Parent (communication between parents, teachers, counselors, commanders, etc.)
child - the Child (communication between children, adolescents, spontaneous and creative people, etc.). br>
We communicate with each other using roles and images, from beginning to end their losing. Our partner or companion does exactly the same thing. Sometimes, we "put on" at him the needed ROLE if HE ACCEPTS it, the contact goes well, if not, the interaction is fraught with conflict.
for Example, one interviewee addresses the second with the position of the Adult expects another Adult, but receives the answer of a Parent or Child,can be difficult.
– We're late, need to hurry. (Adult to Adult)
– It's because you're not organized! (Parent-Child)
Or:
– We are late we have to hurry. (Adult to Adult)
- Yes, I do not care, I may not want to go (Baby Baby)
Or:
– We are late we have to hurry. (Adult to Adult)
- I never help to gather, I can't do anything (Child, Parent)
Conflict occurs where we see the so-called "cross transaction", which usually is the beginning of the scandal. Appeal from Adult to Adult ("Where's the report for today?"), and the reaction comes from the ego state of the Child ("Again it's all my fault!"). br>
there Are much more complex and intricate transactions. For example, when the verbal level is the communication on the level of adult–Adult and non-verbal Adult Child. If the phrase "I disagree with You", typical Adult, is pronounced with a grudge, it is the position of the Child.
Job! Analyze significant relationships. What roles do you interact? Harmoniously your communication? There are no cross transactions?
Your role?
As already mentioned, we interact with each other using roles and images, from beginning to end their losing. Our partner or companion does exactly the same thing. Sometimes, we "put on" on the interlocutor we need a ROLE, and if HE ACCEPTS it, the interaction goes smoothly, if not, the interaction is fraught with conflict.
it Turns out that our proposed role for communication can be called a certain stimulus, provoke a specific response, role, action on the part of another person. If our expectations coincide with reality, then everything is in harmony, we are happy with life, relationships. Puzzles matched. If not, we feel cheated, resentful. But we must remember (!) always that the other person has free will and can do as he sees fit.
we Have a plan, it can be conscious or unconscious, on which we build relationships with different people. It is a template, which spelled out who and how it behaves in different situations. The problem is that we can have different templates, the strategy of behavior, ideas about certain roles.
This plan was created we have at a very tender age, something absorbed "with mother's milk", something later, something we learned from movies and books.
If this plan unconsciously, we can say that man is a prisoner of his own script and he does not understand sometimes, why comes one way or another, impose their games, their roles and ideas about how things should be. Not trying to understand the views and wishes of the other person.
If the plan is realized, there may be blatant manipulation of the game.
the Child is manipulating, occupying the position of "I want!" Parent – "It!", Adult – combining "Want" and "Need".
for Example, in couples where the husband occupies the position of Parent, the wife may consciously manipulate them, occupying the position of the Child. She knows that she should only cry that the husband did everything that she wants.
And now the job!
1. Write your ideas about how it should properly behave to her husband with wife, wife with husband, mother and father with the child, friends, colleagues, etc.
2. How is actually happening? And why do you think? Who doesn't behave?
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3. Now ask your husband/wife, child, friend, colleague... they believe, as it should behave in these roles?
4. Your ideas coincide?
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