There are people who are late constantly – the so-called "chronic apostolski". And they did not take! Favorite nor resentment, nor anger of the chiefs, nor torn at their mercy important work / meeting, any lost profits or other losses.
"Irresponsible! Selfish! Careless! Shameless!" - Yes what epithets not awarded them only! But they still continue to be late.
Starting to come in advance, in a state of extreme stress rushing for an appointment, feeling terrible pangs of conscience, cursing a red light, pushed the nose of the bus before leaving a broken heel, a forgotten home phone, etc. and their damn habit of being late, over and over again, promising myself it's the last time they do it again and again.
And it's not always lack of responsibility or conscience. There are many examples of very conscientious and truly valuable employees who are late for 15-20 minutes, then delayed at work for 2-3 hours, to take on the additional load, and do this work efficiently and responsibly. And this scenario is repeated almost daily. And there are those who are so worried about being late that it leads to the development of serious cardiovascular diseases.
But why do they keep doing it? Why chronic lateness become a bad habit?
Hidden (including from the chronically late) psychological reasons at everyone. I gathered here a few options that I had to face in their professional activities.
Delay as a way of avoiding social contact. Personality schizoid temperament, as well as sensitive or psychasthenic who have difficulty in establishing and maintaining social contacts, unable to be late for school, high school, some important public events, to work, to eliminate the need for informal communication in the period of time prior to the event / meeting. You ask: why don't they come on time and not just stand on the sidelines if they don't want to communicate? Answer: they want to communicate, even very much, but I can't because of their greater shyness, timidity, self-doubt, inability to find a suitable topic for conversation or to support it. Their tongue-tied, and they mumble something unintelligible under his breath, when they are about something ask, answer at random, etc. and feel this psychological discomfort that they find it difficult to handle the condition, so it is better to come close or be a little late (just to be sure, there is always a risk that the event will start a little later). Partially aware of this mechanism, they continue to follow it, because I don't believe that can ever overcome these difficulties, and the habit of being late is a good cover (after all, they seem that others may not notice their insecurities, not being with them in direct contact).
Delay as an attempt to draw attention to himself. Hysteroid personality, one of the main (high-absorption) features which is the desire to attract attention, can unknowingly be late to achieve this goal. After all, it is almost impossible to enter undetected into the hall or premises, where people gathered and started an event. Being late for a personal meeting, they actually are achieving the same – or what do you think, for example, (sometimes inwardly cursing his last words) when the expected late person?! Of course, all your thoughts are them unique, and to escape from these thoughts is almost impossible, especially if the delay is delayed.
Tardiness as a manifestation of indirect aggression. that being late is an act of aggression, in my opinion, obviously. Pending late people are unlikely to experience positive emotions, even if they have long for this "used to" and find within themselves the justification for the hero - "but he's a good person / talented worker" or "I / love her so much", etc. Agree that at least we experience feelings of frustration and irritation, if someone makes us wait. But what the chief would like it if his employee - even the best and most valuable, systematically violates labor discipline thus?! Of course, some leaders temporarily to endure this situation, especially if the employee compensates for his lack of anything substantial (chronic processing, personal loyalty, challenging projects). But clearly, a spoonful of tar in a warm relationship with the head of such slave has adds. Why is he doing it? This indirect aggression is typical of people who cannot or do not wish to openly Express their protest or negative emotions, experiencing them in real situations.. In the end, the accumulated negative energy finds an outlet in such an indirect unconscious behavioral manifestations.
On a deeper level, the habit of being late can be linked and how the people cope with existential experiences.
Delay as an assertion of their freedom of choice and independence. people with a heightened sensitivity in relation to the assertion of personal autonomy (as a rule, either consisting in a deeply dependent relationship, or undergoing a serious encroachment on this autonomy from the significant environment) protest reaction can unknowingly manifest themselves in the form of sabotage organizational requirements (e.g., requirements of coming to work / school etc. in a certain time). Their systematic delays as they would say (of course, unconsciously) their right to independently dispose of his life, and is characterized by a mechanism precisely those who are more susceptible to pressure of social norms and regulations. That's a paradox!
Delay as to absolve themselves of responsibility for the decision. This mechanism can be illustrated with a simple example: no man wants to work in this place for many reasons (ranging from wages and irregular schedule, ending the discrepancy between the needs of self-realization) work does not suit him. But to take responsibility and resign, find a new job or realize itself in any other way he can't – the fear of making mistakes and worsen their life situation, fear of uncertainty, etc. stop it. Then he can come in late, carelessly perform the work or any other way to bring the situation to ensure that fired him to shift the responsibility for his dismissal from the leadership, although at a deep level he had already made that decision. Similar examples can be in cases of interpersonal relations – for example, the guy is always late for a date with a girl, because I do not dare to interrupt his oppressive relationship, and thereby shifts the responsibility for the breakup on her.
Delay as a manifestation of existential anxiety of death. In this case, the relationship is much more complicated and in some sense irrational. In a real example from my practice a middle-aged woman with a long habit of late made such original knowledge: "to be late – that means to miss the beginning of anything, and since I did not see the beginning, then its like it never happened. No beginning – no end, because can not die, was never born". I.e. the habit of being late was a sort of unconscious way of overcoming the deep fear of death. It is, moreover, generally had difficulty with the undertaking, that is, it is literally in any case the most difficult was the beginning (the question of the personality questionnaire MMPI), which she indefinitely postponed a important business. As you know, procrastination is also one of the harmful habits that impede self-realization and development.
I think this list of destructive mechanisms, forming certain habits, not limited to, because every person they are individual. Access to them can be obtained in the process of psychotherapy, and awareness of these destructive mechanisms is an important step to overcoming them.
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