my name is Elena, now I'm 28 years old. To go to a therapist for the first time I ventured in the course of the year. A year has passed since the moment when I realized that I need psychotherapy to first visit a specialist.
The easiest step for me was choosing a therapist – I recommend a good specialist dear me professional. Other options I had not even considered. "Everything will soon go!" I thought.
Then a few months after the decision to me, as if by magic, life was relatively smooth and I was comforting myself with the thought "and the like, and not what to address, and money now is not, so I'll wait." This amazing effect overtook me many times even during the therapy - on the eve of the meeting with the psychologist I felt just fine, and every time doubt, but do I need to continue?
Finally, at some period all the accumulated in the soul broke out the next crisis. I realized that I no longer want to live SO that I am ready to do anything, if only to escape happiness from their own shackles of doubt, pain, uncertainty... However, to make a real step was incredibly difficult.
I was extremely scared that it'll have to wait for another pain and disappointment. I use my last chance at happiness – and suddenly there will be a failure? Then what to do, how to live? To be honest, psychotherapy was my last and only one at a time, hoping to change their lives for the better.
I delayed this moment as I could. Several times per month got out a notebook with the recorded phone number and name of the therapist picked up the phone and mentally rehearsed what and how was going to say, but didn't call... Before going to sleep at night replayed in my thoughts all the options that I could envision, was the first meeting, as I am going to try for one hour to describe to a stranger all the things that tormented me for so many years.
At the thought that I will come and begin to talk about their problems to someone who would listen carefully, clenched throat and tears were welling up. Scared to start talking and crying, but still so that proride entire hour, shaking in convulsions, and in General can not speak.
I was afraid that I would be able to explain the essence of their problems, but the psychologist is not a mind reader and not a psychic to determine all of what was happening to me, "the eye". Suddenly I'm not precisely formulate your request, and will get inaccurate help? Suddenly the main roots of my problems go unnoticed?
And suddenly he will not see me, do not understand, hurt me, hurt, forced to do something I don't want to? You suddenly find that psychotherapy is "what do you want, dear, such is life, have to endure!" Suddenly I hear what all was wrong, and she is to blame for all their misfortunes? I'll just be killed on the spot, incinerated his guilt and despair.
Then I translated the spirit, wiped the tears, saw Valerian and a little calmer, continued to ponder. After reviewing mountains of information via the Internet, I realized that most of my fears are hardly justified. Then my anxious thoughts began to flow in the other direction.
If all goes well, I will begin to meet regularly with a therapist, and gradually begins to happen some change. But what is it? Suddenly therapy will change me and my life in unpredictable ways? I'll be some other new person will lose those relationships, which we value, my values and opinions will be different... I would lose something important, and life will start to happen things that I'm not ready? What if under the influence of a psychologist I start to doubt your sense of direction? Do I need it, and how to avoid change, which I don't want to?
everything else, I knew that therapy can be a very time-consuming. What will happen to me in a year? Will I be able to pay all this time for a consultant? It is not easy to prepare for such a journey, especially when you have no idea what you expect...
...Yeah, fear was just terrible amount. But one day, in one is not the bad day I just dialed the number and said, "Hello, I need a psychologist." And in response heard on the other end the voice of the man who later became my faithful guide on one and a half years.
At that moment I did not doubt, not thinking, I was not desperately bad. I just knew that I wanted to change my life. And used one of my available opportunities.
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