Why not let childish insults?
maybe we do not want and are not ready to let them go and why we need them?
as adults and who created their own families, we continue to hold on to that resentment at parents, and projecting them on their children, their partner and other people.
We assign themselves labels such as "I'm under-loved child", "nobody loves me" "I love child", "I am the child of an alcoholic" and others that bear and see the world through their prism.
We blame parents for what we received from them in childhood or because they with us cruelly and unjustly treated, but they also limit their children and punish in a similar way.
Citing the following examples: "but my childhood did not spoil" or "I am beat, and I don't see anything wrong with that hit your child for educational purposes", "didn't kiss me and nothing, I grew up somehow and I think that is not necessary with the child to Lisp" you can say that that this is a manifestation of those of our childhood grievances that had been hidden in the depths of our soul.
What is resentment and what is actually hiding behind it?
Resentment is our reaction to undue expectations. The key word here is expectations.That is, I expect, waiting. Since we are talking about children's resentment, it may be the expectation of a certain attitude from people close to me. From parents. From mom and dad.
I don't understand why mom didn't love me, and dad punished me? Why mom and dad didn't praise me, and was constantly criticized? Why am I not allowed to walk? Why I didn't buy nice things?
Offended, remain the same children, older children, who ask yourself these questions and no answers. We continue to live justifying himself, seeking solace and sympathy from your partner, complaining about a difficult childhood.
We live with the installation of "under-loved child" and we think that we are not loved all over the world. It seems that we underestimate, often begin to feel like losers, we think that we're all hurt, feel anger and powerlessness.
sitting in front of me adult a beautiful woman in a strict business suit, her hair up in a neat bundle. A bit of makeup. She is a unit Manager in one of the major leading companies.
the story she started with the fact that she has a bad relationship with her overbearing and authoritarian mother. Since childhood she was told that she couldn't love she's a bad daughter and she's not worthy of love. All her life, she tries to be a good daughter, but I can't. Mother still devalues, criticizes and suppresses. And she tries to confront her, she is not leaving and not letting her go. She tries to be good.
When I asked her:
- What do You really expect your mother and why are You with her Why allow yourself to suppress?
After my question, she thought... and began to cry. It turned out that her behavior and her attitude to her mother is the need for love. In the same love that she did not receive in childhood.
the position of the offended victim, it is possible for someone handy. Perhaps it's the avoidance of responsibility and fear. Afraid to take your life in your hands. Scared to take responsibility... it is Terrible to become strong.
it is Convenient to hide behind a difficult childhood. It is convenient to blame the parents. – "I'm the victim, hurt me, didn't love me, and I don't know how to live".
unfortunately, we can't change our childhoods, but we can change the childhood of our children and can change our life.
the first thing to do is to stop waiting. Parents did everything they could to do. They showed their feelings and raised us as best they could.
to Understand parents why they did that? Maybe they expressed love for us "his" language. Excessive criticism and control, maybe it was a manifestation of love and in another way, they could not and did not know how? Maybe they couldn't afford beautiful things, but they saved the money for something else for you? We could not understand many things.
We need to become adults, that is, not look back remembering their past, and go forward. After all, it's not like us others do, and how we cope with it.
Accept your parents for who they are and not idealize them. To accept that they are not perfect.
It is only our choice to start living your full life or hide behind childish insults.
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