В чём причина недоверия в паре и как его наладить?


Psychological and sociological studies show that for people these components are the basis of the relationship and significance is more important than love because without trust, not to achieve harmony in the couple and the relationship will be doomed. But when a person has a huge negative experience of communicating with people – he is afraid to believe, afraid to trust, afraid to love and to love, afraid to be real in words, actions and, of course, sex. He is inclined to see in others their enemies, and not friends and allies. Let's talk about it. The article uses the word "partner" without regard to gender, i.e. it can be a man and a woman is Your soulmate.

the Main causes of distrust of the partner:
1. Jealousy.
you Need to pay attention that jealousy is different: 1) pathological jealousy is when one partner is too jealous, but the reasons for this and it ties in with his impulsiveness or hot nature begins in your head to come up with pictures of flirting or infidelity; far-fetched jealousy can be based on low self-esteem or a sick imagination; 2) the fear of loneliness - is when the partner has an excessive attachment and can not imagine my life without the "second half"; the basis may be suffering psychological trauma of childhood, and "crazy love", if partner only driven by selfish intentions; 3) personal experience is when the partner changes(-l) and believes that it's mutual; based on distrust of yourself.
2. The shattered trust.
It is checked if there had been irreparable in the current relationship: authoritarianism or rudeness, treachery and betrayal, mockery and the use of force. In some cases, both partners can betray each other, one or more times. Man at this time fears, he constantly recalls what happened in the past to protect themselves from such threats in the future.
3. Human weakness.
People can't trust not only with your significant other, but to all the people in my life because of their own problems, complexes, real and/or imaginary shortcomings, and also due to the feeling that nobody loves you, not respected, not appreciated and you have no one in this world does not need. In General the weakness of man, first of all, it is a spiritual, moral and intellectual weakness makes him afraid of the masses of all possible threats, including the threat of betrayal, which he does not know how to defend themselves. That is, the lack of trust in the partner, in fact, may not have any serious reason, then this problem should be solved not with a partner, arranging it and questioned about every action or spoken words, and with myself.
4. Energy vampirism.
the gist of it is that people do not always realize that tuning on a wave of confidence to your partner and all the people, they begin to eat associated with this distrust of emotions and feelings. Scandals, cries, fights, mutual accusations, suspicion, sometimes so absurd that they even impossible to disprove, it all captures the man, and he begins to live. And even when objectively nothing to complain about – he finds a reason to quarreling to blame anything for your partner to find something that can be offended, what can be jealous.

As you learn to trust your loved one:
1. Analyze your feelings on the subject, do not confuse you trust with unrealistic expectations associated with the partner.
If You have made your informed choice, that person needs to take with all your flaws and not think of his fictional image or idea about how he acts or behaves. This is the trust that is to trust another person of their desires and hopes. It is recommended to do exercise for analysis and awareness of choice. Divide a sheet of paper into two columns and fold it in half along the line. On the left, write the title "the best partner for me," right - "Characteristics of my partner." Then fill in the first left column in this way - write the traits that you are attracted to, have to live and communicate, and then the negative qualities that you can tolerate and accept. Further, according to the same algorithm fill in the second column, but, without looking in information about the ideal way. In conclusion, unfold the paper and compare written, answer the question for yourself – whether your partner's other half? Some traits are more positive or negative? It should be remembered that each of us is the owner of positive and negative traits, but for different people they have sometimes polar related.

2. Ask yourself the question "Why do you not trust your partner?".
Yes, Yes, no – why – namely, why. The thing is that you can initially be configured to not trusting people, because, as mentioned above – their life experience, because of Your personal problems, due to the fact that you are the kind of person who can't be trusted, especially because of your desire to get connected with mistrust of people's feelings. Identify your true desires, rather than objective reasons, causing You distrust their man his woman.

3. Get rid of the victim role.
If a person has had a bad past experience, mostly in women, they no longer trust the men. To usher in a happy and harmonious relationship after the divorce, you must deliberately and intentionally to get out of the way of the victim. To do this, believing in a bright future, as people perceive the way he sees himself. Thoughts are material – program yourself for a different perception of reality. To guide you and counsel can qualified psychologist.

4. Turn on the realism.
you Need to look at the relationship from the outside. Is there any cause for jealousy or all of these conjectures appeared out of boredom. Perhaps all long-established and one of the partners wanted them to cheer up, to know if the relationship still or not. The delay on the work of one of the partners is not always a sign of infidelity, sometimes it's just a large amount of work. As well as correspondence with other people – it's just a way to increase self-esteem.

5. Calm down your emotions.
Before you can develop in your mind a distrust of man – to your partner, and especially to show him his find the strength to understand the reasons and essence of each situation that causes you anxiety. Take for yourself what past experience associated with the former partner, not with the current. Understand that it is necessary to thank fate and his choice for the fact that everything is different, and you torment yourself and him.

6. I'm sorry, although this is the most complicated of the list.
it is Important to decide with a partner how YOU are going to live. Yes, it's hard to trust someone that you had once betrayed, and for good reason. Indeed, once betrayed, a people betrayed again, these are the laws of nature. Scorpion stings, the traitor betrays. But there are people who realize their mistakes, and that, if they are dear to you – deserve it. So learn to forgive. Sounds, of course, just try to forgive someone who betrayed you. But understand You – if people learned a lesson from the mistakes committed by him and agreed that his betrayal is exactly the error committed by them out of stupidity and not an act that he just couldn't help telling You, he's probably in the future this error will not do. But the man that any mistakes in his life did not commit, in theory, more inclined to commit them. Not having learned the lessons of life, it is difficult to learn something. Surrender can, but not everyone will be his treachery to condemn and learn from it a lesson. So, again, the main thing – that the person learned a lesson from their mistakes, and did not pretend that he took it out. We can all stumble, nobody is immune to it, but the human betrayal committed out of stupidity and inexperience is not a reason to put him on the cross. Forgiving, you will gain the loyalty of the partner and respect for you.

7. Like attracts like.
Our attitude to people is very much effect on their behavior with us, so our attitude to the person does not make him someone You don't want to see. And especially, don't try to see other people yourself. And, of course, not do unto others as you want them to do unto You.

8. Many, if not all depends on You!
what kind of world You will live depends on You. Be yourself – the perfect husband or the perfect wife. Or, at least, aspire to it – don't be fooled by your partner, don't change him, don't betray, don't use it, don't manipulate them! In short, be someone you can trust. And so will your partner appreciate your honesty or not is another question. If not appreciate – he has no place near you! Remember that in a harmonious relationship both partners should give each other freedom and trust, otherwise it's not a relationship, but a prison. And another thing: the key to a long relationship - communication partners heart to heart. Try and not dismiss, when the second half is something trying to tell, to share, to ask for advice. Show that you accept and strive to understand what it is You care about. So You can achieve sincerity and then build trust and confidence.

If after reading the article you have any personal questions, and "tumbled out from the closet skeletons" stirred up negative thoughts - sign up for a psychological session or at a session of art therapy as a couple. Help! Tested on happy clients.
I Wish You harmony! Be happy in their own way!

Ekaterina Agafonova

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