self-Esteem is the cornerstone in relations with others. Statistics say that this is the most frequent query that people come to psychologists. The notion of the self is complex and ambiguous, roughly it can be light to "confidence". A this confidence did not differ. The rest just either learned to disguise themselves, or already has done some work on themselves.
There are 5 questions, by answering which you will be able to understand whether you have problems with self esteem.
Maybe it's not so bad? If there are problems, work on them will be much easier
do you Know how to say "NO"?
I often encounter in working with the fact that people do not know their personal boundaries and do not know how to defend them. So it turns out that parents don't quite know how to handle children's boundaries, which in consequence, leads to disastrous results. We are in the habit of trying to be good all around, forgetting about what you want to do. It is the ability to say "no" distinguishes self-confident person.
Responding to consent to any request from others, you automatically become a "helper". Father-in-law to help with the move – please set up mom's laptop – no question, let a friend to live with for a few weeks – why not?! To sit, once again for free, with a neighbor's child – who else will do it? To borrow money colleague, without hope for a speedy payback..?
Mutual aid is very important in human relationships, especially loved ones. But this "good" behavior is the wrong approach when quickly erases personal boundaries. It's one thing if you all enjoy it and does not affect your personal plans. But here, everything happens Vice versa.
Ask yourself: "do I Feel real gratitude to people who help" "Not if I got relatives in your neck?", "Indeed, only I can help in this situation?".
it is Not always necessary to change their important plans, even for the sake of loved ones. You will be on your child's eyes to drink the last sweet son's friend (or will be)? Saying thus: "Good people always share". And should not do with their interests.
Learn to distinguish his from someone else, important help from useless. Set your boundaries within reason. And, if it is difficult to deal with them independently, ask questions in the comments.
how Often do you navigate on public opinion?
to Live with low self esteem hard. You find it difficult sometimes to make the "right" decision, especially looking at how you behave around.
It's from the series: "What will people think?". And, people always think bad (though not long).
Now, you dream to wear on holiday elegant gown to get more male attention, but again pull the turtleneck, to fit in. Want to change jobs or to try to earn a hobby, but my mom is against it. To take a large loan, but friends twist a finger to his temple. Want to leave my husband, but his relatives do not understand.
Living life with an eye on the other, you are constantly under stress.
isn't it easier to do what you want yourself? It is worth considering. Yeah, I'm sure people will appreciate your bold move. That's how people like to judge. Only it does not last long before the advent of the new and interesting news.
But how much happiness and joy will bring the decision to you!
Is freedom, emotions, and satisfaction with their lives are not worth a little risk?
Start small. Make, for a start, "stupid" and "dangerous" actions) and look for a reaction. Buy a new brand of washing powder, proudly walk down the street with a bottle of vodka and condoms, drove to St. Petersburg for three days without warning, I'm Sure many will not even pay any attention to your action, and someone even will support.
If your environment really is grumpy, maybe you should think about how to change the circle?
How do you react to failures?
You generally use the word "failure", or do you prefer the concept of "error"? Difficult. It is very difficult to adequately withstand the hardships of life, fall UPS, failures and disasters. It is much easier to see mistakes, to draw conclusions and to go further.
a Confident man makes mistakes, and much more insecure. Because he constantly tries new things, goes unexplored paths, chooses the more challenging path.
If each of failure to upset, to hide "in house" or to go into a depression, life is very fast will drive you in a position of eternal victim and will "beat" and often painful.
How to learn to accept defeat? You need to fill your life with success. Small, simple successes. Learn to rejoice every detail. Put simple, easily achievable tasks and reward yourself for their execution. Feed your brain with dopamine (he restores reaction to the stimulus of pleasure).
Success is available only to those who try. New is always difficult and scary. If you want to become more confident, and have more to overcome fear and move forward.
Easily do you take compliments well?
Strange question, isn't it? I didn't ask you: "How often do you say compliments?". Because they always say. Only some do not hear.
the Boss said your work – as it should be, the husband praised the dinner – in fact he's just trying to encourage the girlfriend was jealous of the dress – but it's the dress even more beautiful sister appreciated the hair – it's sister...
Devaluing the approval to your address, you not only hurt others, I sincerely wish you well, but also drive yourself in the position of complaining and grieving. If you still do not willing to praise yourself, at least listen to people.
to Reject compliments – not modest. This is stupid.
if you have High requirements for the environment?
high requirements to the people suggests that you are too demanding of himself. Perfection, the desire to be the best in everything, fear to do something wrong, excessive self-discipline... leads to neurosis.
Presenting such requests to myself and the world, you just complicate your life.
don't deny a healthy dose of perfectionism no one has hurt, but do not need to bring it to the point of absurdity. Calculate how much extra time and resources you spend every day to "upgrade" to perfection. You need to learn little by little "score" for the trivia (not everywhere and not always, of course).
More important question. Your attitude towards others. How do you respond to the misconduct of your friends, are "inconvenient" and "not correct" traits of relatives who are willing to put up with the shortcomings of colleagues?
Make others and yourself to the fullest and to see in every manifestation of nature importance – is worthy of respect. Take a look around. For themselves. We can't be perfect. There is not that degree of perfection that would fit all at once.
I don't like the word "flaws", I replace it with "features". And the word "right" – to "useful". It helps me to accept myself and the world in all its glory.
__________
If all five points you see yourself, probably, should think and start working on self-esteem. The tips given above, not only is simple and straightforward. They do really work! I checked all of this personally, on my experience in working with clients.
If it is difficult to independently correct their ingrained beliefs, but want to breathe freely, and be filled with confidence – write, I know a lot of useful and important))
And, what do you think about self-esteem?
Believe in this concept?
How you been working out?
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