Offer you the following 2 of the 10 principles, rules of forming the borders of the children in the book by G. cloud, D. Townsend "Children: borders, boundaries".
3. the Law of power. I'm not omnipotent, but not helpless.
Sooner or later almost every child is in a similar situation. He considers himself for adults, strong and powerful and becoming too confident and cocky in their omnipotence. But later, if the parents are not to interfere with the child follow his own way, he, of course, will have to face reality and understand that some forces have it much less than he thought. He is going to have to reckon with reality and gaining experience is growing.
the Man considered to be with reality, is the person mentally healthy. And the one who requires that reality was considered him mentally ill.
Power, powerlessness and boundaries. the Ability to use their own helps the child to form a border. Mature people know what they are capable of, and what is not. In the first case, they are doing everything they can, and the second does not even begin to do anything. The child must understand that he will have enough forces, and that is not enough, and not confuse one with the other.
this is the first problem: the child lives with the feeling that he can fly, although in reality it is not. He can't draw boundaries around what is not his property. If the kid is trying to do, then the real owner destroys erected a wall. Exactly what happens when the child is crudely drawn with your friends. Friends, if they are normal children, of course, protest against it or just leave. And the child who thought himself omnipotent, finds himself in a vicious circle: he is either making fruitless attempts to control what could not control, or seek out weak people, to help him to continue to feed the illusion.
a Classic example of whom to turn such children, as adults, domineering husband and a compliant wife. He believes that power over her life. She supports him in this illusion, continuing to please him and not trying to make it clear that is not his property. Not established limits to their power, the child just turns into such a husband, the dictator.
to Avoid the consequences. the Psychology of your little angel is, to some extent, the psychology of the criminal. He believes in his power to avoid the consequences of their behavior. Your child will get out, lie, seek out good reasons and excuses — just to avoid punishment.
Children need to learn how to prevent the occurrence of bad consequences, controlling their actions. If they believe that you just need not to get caught, will not learn to behave correctly, and will try to cover their tracks. As a result, instead of personal maturity, they will have observed personality pathology.
How to avoid failures. Children often think that they have enough strength to avoid mistakes and failures. In fact, the child needs to learn, grieving for lost perfection, to admit their failures in order for them to learn and grow. Another way personal growth occurs. You either ignore your own mistakes and re - "stepping on the same rake", or acknowledge them and make appropriate conclusions.
Power over others. Helping your child to get rid of the illusions about its perfection and ability to avoid failures, do not forget to help him to overcome the false consciousness of his power over others. Before your baby needs to be delivered the following goal: to give up the idea that he is allowed to control others and to strengthen the control.
Attempt to establish their authority over others
Your reaction
If I whine, then I will buy a new toy.
Ask me and I say "Yes" or "no". Nagging automatically means "no."
I can easily ignore your requests to clean the room.
I repeat only once, and I'll give you fifteen minutes. If you do not, do not go to play football with buddies.
I can "get" you, if I shout and Express their anger.
I hate when you're angry and shouting. Until then, until you will not behave properly and speak to me in a respectful tone, all your Privileges is canceled.
4. The law of respect. My "I" is not the only one that matters.
Every child comes into the world with your desires and the desire of others it is of little concern.He not only wants everything to be for him, but to all the surrounding "danced to his tune". He wants not only to set up special rules for themselves, but also to dictate to others how to live, how to behave, what feelings to experience, and to what extent to be free. In short, he comes into the world with the feeling that all others exist only for him and his life they have.
Your task and the theme of this Chapter is to wean the child from his natural disrespect for the boundaries of other people.
to respect the boundaries of others, to be able to get along with people, the child must learn the following:
1. Not to make anybody hurt.
2. Always respect other's"no."
3. Not to go beyond the established framework.
4. To rejoice independence of others.
5. Sad, not furious, when the bounds of other do not allow to obtain the desired.
to be Continued...
!
