Many family people, especially the young, do not always think of that family life, despite the fact that feelings, love, faith in partner and care about him, can be and should be controlled. The terms "family behavior or control behavior of family members" seems to be something wild and unnatural.
As they say, because family life from God, it is either there or not!
now, let's Not rush to argue, but we are working in line with the psychological theory of resource management, including family, marital behavior, we would like to Express my own point of view on this subject. Or rather, to continue the arguments that we have already started http://julva.ucoz.ru/publ/o_vzaimootnoshenijakh_muzhchiny_i_zhenshhiny/semejnye_otnoshenija_semejnye_genotipy_zabota_ili_vrazhdebnost/6-1-0-48
Family life can be manageable, relatively controllable and completely uncontrollable, i.e., the greater to emerge spontaneously, under the influence of external circumstances surrounding the family, or it is unclear what motivated impulses emanating from its members, especially key. To the latter we include, first of all, the spouses themselves.
About what is happening within the family, how is there organizational behavioral procedure, we can judge the balance of spontaneity and control, which is the place to be. Spontaneity means that the family reigns a kind of anarchy, and the behavior of its members depends on different kinds of disruptive factors that deform it. Example: the wife spends the money on buying quality and value which is clearly not consistent with the existing family budget. Another example: the husband "disappeared" in friends, spends night and day with them in hunting, fishing, automobile trips, which, of course, distracts him from performing even the most basic of family responsibilities.
the Family is controllable when the conduct of its members depends on a clear organizing algorithms. In modern family they can come from the leader, while the sex of the person is not important – what matters is that his opinion and a position valued it highly, he considered. At the same time, the algorithms that organize the behavior of family members can be the subject of an agreement between the spouses and all family members, for example, during a family Council. However, do not think that organizing algorithms will not distort behavior. Quite often they may not consider or simply ignore the incentive scheme inherent in someone from the family members. Just one of them managed to insist, to persuade, to impose, and to intimidate all others. For example, the wife thought that her husband was attending a corporate party, "allows himself too much", and she firmly, hinting at the inevitable response, demanded that these "absences" to stop, even if man it seems that such bans will hurt him at work.
In any case, in the family fold and there are subordination and coordination organizing power, which can manifest itself in a variety of situations. For example, when buying complex equipment up in family relationships takes the informal status of the husband as the expert in this area. When it comes to inappropriate behavior of the child in school and a hike to a PTA meeting, "the first violin" playing a wife who "knows how". Thus, the family can and do arise binding norm, suggesting that someone gives orders, and other family members must obey them. For example, despite the fact that the man earns more money about expensive purchases he should ALWAYS consult with his wife, and she, in turn, has no right, without letting her husband know, to buy sophisticated equipment on their own.
it is Obvious that an orderly family relationships cannot emerge overnight, they need time. Therefore, in the early stages of family formation, these binding rules can be violated left and right. This does not mean that the individual member of the family with impunity "enjoyed the moment". Just many of the issues between the spouses can be not said, to decide spontaneously what is called "fact". These "facts" can at first even accepted by the other party and to act as a newly founded tradition. But then, most of these traditions, influenced by the dissatisfaction of the other spouse or family member is likely to be reviewed. Or, worse, will become a "time bomb" gradually undermine the unity of the family.
These traditions in fact can occur not only at first but throughout the life of the family, in accordance with the new attendant circumstances. First, they may relate to Finance, accommodation, sexual life, then the allocation of economic roles, further education of children, grandchildren, vacation, health, etc. However, the longer the family exists, the more complex its structure and way of life, the more there is a desire to "bend the elements", to organize all the existing relations and make them transparent and comfortable for all family members. Thus, the problems that arise between family members, I always "shake down" coordinate, otherwise the behavior of some family members will constantly put in the awkward position of others. There you will be required not so much streamlining relations "top-down" as the orderly "vertical".
usually bi-directional between the two regulating forces within the family there is a contradiction that the more extreme, the more democratic the culture of the family. On the one hand, individual family members live their own lives and fulfill their functions (for example, the husband earns the money, does the housework and raising children at the same time thinking through future joint rest), on the other hand, the whole life of the family requires certain vzaimopomoshi action. How to find the optimal combination of both – this is the main contradiction of family life and behavior of its members.
the Problem is completely solved when family members experiencing a condition of belonging to its Affairs and, on the contrary, if they are alienated from them, this is the main contradiction of family life, most likely, nothing will not be solved.
For the family, where there is an attached type member of the family, characterized by a high level of consistency his pattern of behavior turns out to be unifying, he is ready to solve problems beyond the "zone" of their duties. Where a member of the family alienated from family matters, on the contrary, among the members of the seven, there is a high level of misalignments, and a model of the behavior of this family member is divisive, destructive family life.
In the first case a family member "see all" and it is formed into a panoramic vision of the entire front of family problems, which creates an additional field of open communication within the family and, accordingly, a wide range of different kinds of interactions, vzaimoponimanie, vzaimoraschetam in solving family problems. In the second case, if a family member formed a single-purpose vision of the family business — and that creates a field with a fenced off communications: "It's not my problem is your problem." The result is a growing mass of various "inconsistencies".
Thus, we see two installations of the behavior of family members that are completely contained in such models of family relations, which can be called:
• "the cockroaches in the corners";
• "prosperous firm".
compared with the prosperous firm is not random, as it and its leadership and its employees feel great: everything here is "spinning, spinning", all the "thought, licked to Shine", want to come here and not want to leave.
These relationships can be represented on quadrigram:
But the main contradiction of family life and behavior of its members may well be stymied if the individual members of the family (e.g. children or spouses) are experiencing a state of alienation from it, not living in the family, and "exist," burdened by the stay. In this situation, they just pereorientirovanija personal gain, thus compensating for their frustration. The family formed a kind of counterculture relations on the notorious principle: "I Live, yet beneficial to me", "will Raise the kids and do "the swim", "Save up money to rent a house, and go away", "bad wives husbands don't run", "Ancestors would never understand me why to prove something, it is better to take without permission", "We children help financially, and what do they do with their grandchildren is none of our business", etc.
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