He was just crying...
Rather choked sobbed, trying to hide it.
Hide was bad, convulsive sobs, a strange moaning and whining was out... he again tried to "push himself", from which the sobbing only increased... he wiped his sleeve tears like a boy of five.
It was a man 37лет.
My client.
He stood in the corner.
...couple of minutes ago
We talked about the difficulty of the work, about the strange powerlessness that is often felt by the client. About helplessness, which it constantly pursues, that in the relationship the client often does NOT feel free, he always blame, he lives with a constant feeling "zagnannosti into a corner".
do Not think that my client is a weakling and a loser. No. Is not the case.
He is quite successful and popular. But...
a Constant sense of insignificance, guilt, helplessness and vulnerability continued to torment him. Perhaps even unbeknownst to loved ones and others.
in the description often heard the word "impasse".
-And how do you feel the body of this dead end?
As if in the corner rested and I do not understand where to go.
-Pick a corner, which is similar to your dead end... and wait in it.
where it all started...
... the angle is a straight place of worship for many...
...significant sore spot... a place of pain and vulnerability.
How many hours many of us spent there! For some reason there we had to realize their mistakes, to understand something, seek the wisdom and stop to do something... that's where we were herded parental expectations, anger, powerlessness..
don't know about you, but I, standing in the corner in kindergarten was totally unaware. I understand the inevitability, and therefore to go deep in yourself, in your thoughts and imagination in the fictional world. After a time needed to perform the ritual, nodding approvingly at the question of the teacher "do You understand?"and again nod negatively to the question "Will you still do that?"and I was free!
When I think back to myself in a corner, I remember the confusion... what? Why? What for? I was sad and lonely, that the fun is somewhere nearby, and I cut off from life. Maybe someone in the corner came a bright idea, understanding the structure of the world. I wrote a movie in his head, ran his life, even at a limited angle. My angle wasn't painful for me. I was not punished mom or dad. I mercilessly was a dummy code I was yelled at by the teacher, and just did the ritual. Somewhere in me was humility: she stopped yelling, it is necessary to stand in a corner, preferably with bowed head. And then nod twice.
I now begin to blunt, if people shout at me. I feel too lazy to explain and prove. I just perform a ritual and leave... No. In the corner I stand. I nod, agreeing, and leaving. Out of the relationship.
I'm going to write "your movie", but doing it for free. I'm looking for those I'm interesting, I'm going to those who are interesting to me. I run my life, going from corner situations. But many adults are still mentally "stand in the corner"...
-You don't have to stand in the corner for daddy to forgive you. You don't have to stand in this corner to have your mom loved you. You don't have to stand in the corner to make the grandfather a hug.
this is what I tell my clients, for whom the "corner" - a painful subject. Those for whom the insulation in the corner filled with fear, pain, resentment, vulnerability and insecurity. "Happy childhood" still describes the difficulties and psychosomatic.
-You don't have to stand in the corner.
How many of them? Already large, with the passport, bearded or with make-up, inflated and not under the posts and with their children, men, women who continue to stand in the corner? Whose inner child is still vulnerable? Resentful? Humiliate? Punished... Scared...
When boorish behavior, aggressive makeup if geeky outfit allegedly an adult to read a cry for help... a call to mom and dad.. «Mammy! Forgive me!""Daddy, take me!""Somebody get me out of the corner and just hug!"
When the sense of insignificance, failure, vulnerability, guilt – is a frightened child. Is waiting when he will say: "You don't have to stand in this corner".
When to relieve the burden of the failures and uncertainty can simple words: "You're good! Corner for you! Exit!"
Many of our adult difficulties were born there in the corner... in a deadlock, which we got in childhood. Problems in relationships, lack of money, difficulties in career or family... even health problems, too rooted in the "angle punishment".
the Client I suggested out of the corner. To see myself a little in that corner, and get yourself out of this impasse. To embrace and maintain. Encouraging words. To soothe, to caress, to please. Take care of yourself a little. You could tell yourself "You don't have to stand in this corner! You're good! Exit!". Of course, this is not a one-time job. This long-term therapy. Including many more experiences, realizations, feelings and emotions. But it's much easier to do when the wounded inner child made the first step, said the first words of support and love.
I see many people who had "a happy childhood".
Emotional wounds we receive, not only in the corner. There are many situations terrible angle where it was painful, dangerous: where was beaten, punished, humiliated.
Sometimes I advise clients to communicate with the inner child. Take him out of the corner, to snatch from the hands of screaming mothers, or discourage an angry father. To stand in front of a teacher, or a teacher. Protect. Caress. Give love me a little... and when the inner child relaxes, stops crying and begins to smile – I suggest to replace -- That child, who perhaps you've never been. The child who feels the affection and protection. The man cared.
Often meeting with the inner child causes a lot of tears and self-pity. And then we have to cry to myself a little... to give vent to what is left from the "happy childhood". Is that not the first time manages to calm the inner child. Is he too scared or overly suspicious. Then patience and love. To himself. The part that "hurt". For the restoration of friendship and love with oneself's one day. But the result is worth it!
Sometimes for the first time, feels a deep inner peace and security. Changes occur that can be described short term "miracle!". For many, this is true (although I don't like that word for pathos and zataskannost). For many, to love - is a miracle. To live with a sense of peace and protection - a miracle! To move, make decisions, build a career or a personal relationship from a completely different state - a miracle!
If you can't establish a dialogue with the inner child, please contact us. If you can't calm your baby, contact. If found matches the article with your childhood or today, if you need help and support, please contact us.
If you want "magic recipe" or experiment - stand in the corner.
And then, turn around and go to where you feel good and interesting!
Say to yourself: "You don't have to stand in this corner!"
With love, Natalya Podlesnaya
p.s.
There is a saying that "it's never too late to have a happy childhood".
I disagree! There are things that can be compensated. There is something that you can pereproshit. There are many things and situations that are becoming for adults finally can afford it... but to my great regret, there are a great many things that will never change, no seal and not to restore. A difficult childhood without the love and danger - not rewrite. But... there are many ways to make the sting from the memories less sharp, then just a pain, then just a memory that evokes a feeling of sadness and regret.
take Care of yourself and your "inner child"!
This is to show love to yourself. It may not be easy, tearful and even painful. But it will bring more benefits and joy than a new outfit or "a ton of chocolate."
Look! Shouldn't part of you in the corner?
!
