Too explicit consent creates another offer!
Aphorism
In your life there are situations when you ask for something, you really don't want to do, but you still agree to do? And then begins the process of samovyvoza brain, because you have done something that is contrary to your wishes. The process can proceed in one of two ways:
1. You curse yourself for failing to refuse.
2. You curse that person who took advantage of your softness.
In any case, not the most pleasant experience and very expensive for energy: are you giving all your strength to fight the "windmills".
In this article I deliberately omit the options of introspection, although I believe that in our country, where education is based on such postulates as "not offending", "have to look good", "what will people think?" and many similar phrases, grow up man, knows how to "maintain its borders", is very difficult. Because the ability to deny it, it is the ability to follow our own desires and preferences. A violation of our own desires, makes us insecure, impersonal, if you want. And understanding (especially the subconscious, when you do not understand, but feel) that "I have no one to call me" - very painful. Moreover, it is very destructive to myself.
the Question is: what to do?! The simple answer: learn to say no. Although, understanding that all come from childhood, i.e., the period of inability is very long, I can only say: START to learn. Now the question is: how? Promise that everything will be easy, I can't, it will not be fair, but will announce the scheme, which is offered to their customers.
1. Understand, what reason underlies your inability to refuse
2. Convince yourself that it's not your fault (think of/find "extreme")
3. Allow yourself to change and explain why it is you (find convincing for yourself why)
4. Think and draw a picture of: funny – I encircle myself in a circle. The next circle (around the "I") – people close to me, write to these people in this circle (more than five people they can not be). Next round – nice people to me. Write to everyone who do you. The third round, the biggest – all the others.
5. Start working on yourself with the category "all other", if there are people who manipulate you (and it is true) by asking you to do something in addition to your desire. Think of the phrase for refusing such people, for example: "I'll think about it" or "then, someday, when I'm freer". What happens in this case: you are denied, but not agreed, i.e. the status "I'm good/second" is stored, and you took the time out, which will help you focus.
6. When you learn how into categories that do not mind losing, you can go to "nice people". With these difficult, here I would like to maintain good relations. To them is to learn to "bargain", ie learn to ask about this: I'll do, but my reason what? In this case, a man becomes clear that you are willing to help, but your value as a person, not suffering. In this case, people either abandon the idea to manipulate you, or indeed will be able to offer a decent alternative that will suit you.
When you've dealt with these two categories, proceed to the category "people". Here you'll be able to choose the desired options and you will be good. Good luck to you!
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