I usually goes exactly like this: "I Have a bad kid! He is not obedient, he is aggressive, he shoots, he runs around and makes noise, it does not eat, he does not want to learn it... Fix me baby!".
When I ask: "why is it you?" someone offended someone shrug their shoulders and someone openly says: "Well, this is it - scrap!"
With the first category can still be working, at least they realize that in the "brownnose" their child is their responsibility.
I'm starting long and hard to gather information about what exactly parents do not like their child? Because often people say one thing but want something completely different. Why, usually, the child "doesn't listen"? There are three reasons, and they are global.
first Reason: This way the child draws attention to itself.
Yes, swear at him, Yes, punish him, but at least this way parents communicate with him. Therefore, a number of questions that I'm asking for advice - "how often do you hug your child? How often do you go somewhere with a child (in the Park, theatre, Biking/skating/etc.)? Who is usually at home with the child: parents, grandparents or babysitter? Do you have Board games? What? Whether you play with a child? How often do you say you love the baby and that he dear to you?". The answers to these questions allow us to understand how much child pay attention parents.
Often parents (even of the seemingly happy family) just don't think that child needs to participate with them in his life. Child it is important to know that he has a mom and dad that they love him they spend time with him. Even though it is, for example, computer games. But together. Child it is important that parents praised him and noticed him, though not large, positive results. But, unfortunately, the parents who come with the request "My child is bad", pay attention only to negative results.
Example: the child jumped on dug-in tires, fell, got dirty.
What I have to say that you could show your child your support? "Oh, you're not too hurt? See how great and high you jumped! Well, next time you'll be careful and not fall."
they say the parents are "bad" children? "Look at you, all dirty! Just do what wash at you, you're so clumsy, can't even play without that would not fall and to not get dirty!"
See the difference? In the first case, the child feels support, he knows that this incident is one of many not worthy of attention. The child, with parental support, knows that nothing bad happened, everything is fine.
In the second case, especially when such cases are numerous, the child understands that doing something "good" is completely pointless, because all parents would pay attention, so you need to do "bad."
And then how many such "bad" and "defective" children have grown up and counseling psychologists and psychotherapists? And how many do not go and live with a sense of inferiority, a sense that they are so bad that they never won't be. That everything that happens to them is the only logical outcome of their "brownnose". The children who grew up unfulfilled in personal relationships, and escaping the heat, because "No, you mustn't love me, I'm a bad/bad".
the second Reason: Many parents (and indeed adults) forget that the child is also a human being, which has its own desires, goals, their favorite and not favorite foods/activities/people.
the Child begins to resist when parents try to force him to do what parents like to eat what you love, parents, playing the games that the parents think is right. And in General, and generally live as they see proper parents.
a Small child can be offered a choice of several activities: to draw, play with dolls/cars, play store, read a book, etc. And it's okay if a child repeatedly chooses the same occupation. So, at the moment, he is the most interesting and significant.
the older Child may himself Express the desire/do not desire to do something. The same applies to different groups. If you want your child to become an artist, does not mean that the child wants the same. Maybe he wants to dance.
it is Important to understand that in our time no school "for girls" and "boys". Social roles are often mixed, change is normal. Society evolves, and now boys have the opportunity to become a choreographer, and girls have a mechanic.
Agree, it's great when everyone can engage in truly love, not to earn a living, gritting his teeth.
I Watched the following story: father gathered son in kindergarten, the son threw a full tantrum, crying, escaped from the father's hands, screaming, began to choke. And all this because the boy didn't want to wear a specific shirt. Dad didn't want to give another sweater because mom left this means to go in it. I was advised to give the baby choose clothes, the boy chose a different cardigan and tantrum immediately ceased.
This is a Prime example of when the parents ' opinion does not coincide with the views of the child. Of course you need to put certain limits to children, but it primarily refers to the safety of the child. Let the child choose what he will go that would have what to play and what clubs to visit.
If you see that the child chooses the clothes, to put it mildly "not very". For example: green tights, yellow bow, red shirt, blue skirt just explain to him how to combine the colors. Or whatever, maybe your child is a creative person and so sees:)
the third reason: the physiological problems.
Sometimes little children capricious, manifest anxiety due to poor health. Someone from children can not yet say that he has something hurts. Someone does not consider it necessary.
In the end, the baby cranky, restless. And the reason may be as very simple and very serious, but not visible at first sight.
As I learned that my child has otitis media? She sat at lunch and cried. I asked what was wrong she responded that it hurt to chew when chewing begins behind the ear to hurt. Immediately in his arms and Laura. LOR asked my daughter, and when it started, she said that 2 days ago. I'm in shock asking: "Why didn't you tell me sooner???" My daughter says: "I said that I have ear, you told me to posival and everything will pass."
actually, we were in a plane and daughter complained that she laid the ear. Naturally, I thought that thing on the plane. And that's all. The child complained, feedback received, and that would be to say that the congestion is not that there is pain — the baby just wasn't thinking what to say.
Usually what happens? Cross child — the temperature measured is the temperature of the normal — the child is healthy. And the fact that the child may begin allergic (spots, but there are severe itching), gastritis (stomach ache when eating), problems with the blood vessels of the brain (child hysteria and can not calm down, bad learns and perceives information) — the parents do not think.
Pay attention to the child's behavior, deviant (from the norm baby!) and just react!
Dear parents! Before you run to a psychologist to "Fix me defective child", think about it: maybe the problem is not in the child? Understand that it is very difficult, sometimes, to overcome their egocentrism. But maybe it worth trying?
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