Complexity of interaction between parents and adult children in the psychological practice is quite common. When there is a dependence on the views of parents, inability to make decisions, establish personal boundaries, the difficulties of marriage and raising their own children, low income and lack of implementation in your life, then you can talk about unfinished emotional separation. If the process of separation from parents was not completed, it continues in relations with spouse with friends and colleagues. This can be expressed in the desire to prove their independence or to find an authoritarian figure who will tell them what to do. This is a manifestation of the child's position in the relationship, which, as a rule, is not recognized.
the separation Process starts from birth and ends, normally, about 20 years. About six months the kid learns to know the world, to move, to Express emotions. With three years begins to actively show their kids some independence. For future successful separation of this stage is largely decisive. Parents are very important to be tactful and patient, to allow to do things to the child and give the opportunity to fill the first bumps. Excessive guardianship the child will not benefit. Excessive responsibility for the child and fear not to follow creates anxiety. In order to cope with it parents to restrict the child: do not go there, don't touch it, stay out. Thus the child receives the message that the world is dangerous and it needs to be near my parents. The process of development of self-reliance is limited. During adolescence has a growing presence in society. The lost skills of self-reliance evident in communication with peers and may affect school performance. In older age, due to the constant blend of the parents in the privacy of their children: control and various instructions may be scandals. Particularly acute this problem may be felt in those families in which parents and has grown up children live under the same roof.
those people who have not completed the separation with their parents are usually problems with the guilt and the remnants of the children's affection. Guilt can arise when a teenager sees his parents separation causes pain and that it is difficult for them to accept his independence. Sometimes the pressure of this feeling so great that the teenager refuses the completion of the separation, but this decision makes him angrier. The alternating guilt and anger characteristic features of incomplete separation from parents.
For a successful separation in adulthood, you must first realize and admit that there is a problem. Psychological work will focus on the development of independent living skills, primarily in the emotional sphere. For accommodation offense and traumatic experience of education. The ability to detect and build your border. To become more sensitive to yourself and your needs. Make your parents without wanting them to "redo" but to change the style of communication with them as adult for adults. Separation will not solve all problems but it is a necessary condition for a psychological maturity and successful adaptation to life. This is a fairly long and difficult process, but worth it.
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