- He's hurting me. It does not give me what I want from him. I feel bad with him. I suffer all the time!
- Why is he staying?
I love...
Here's a recent dialogue I had with a friend. And in the end, she pronounced the sacramental phrase, "are You the psychologist, tell me what to do?" And then I have "rukoo".... So once again I write about the emotional dependency.
Emotional dependency never contributes to the establishment of intimacy with another person. It serves to engage, hold, grab another person and assume that he will never leave. Dependence is not love. This masking of manipulation and intention to control the life of another person.
This kind of relationship is dysfunctional. Don't need to have much intelligence to understand that the relationship uncomfortable for both partners. In them one or both partners try to control each other. But, surprisingly, this kind of situation that attracts us. Whether they are from our lives or from the lives of others. They always arouse interest. We like to be involved in these "reliable" when we are living (consciously or unconsciously) building a retention strategy of the other side, not to run away, not thrown.
People who are inclined to dependent relationships, models of ideal relationship I think of phrases like:
"We are one"
"He's my soulmate!"
"We are one flesh and blood."
"I'm all for it, and he is everything to me."
And my "favorite":
"I can't live without you!"
These phrases we condemn ourselves to suffering. Because you put your life dependent on another person. And he, in turn, must take responsibility for the existence of your loved one or beloved.
But this masterpiece of human thought: "Ahhh...you make me so happy!"
And it's easy to be charmed by faith in his power and ability to make each other happy. Don't be enchanted! Otherwise, if you believe it will soon have to hear "You broke my life!"
And in fact, we do not have the power to make each other happy or unhappy. Our words or actions can hurt partner. It is a fact. But get to suffer – no!
So back to the dialogue in the beginning of the article. I'll try to explain in the first person. I continue to choose this man. So, I'm the one who decides to stay with him. So, I'm the one who is responsible for your pain. And it turns out that I'm the one who makes me suffer. Not he but I!
without a doubt, that not only I, but he. But to a much greater extent, my suffering will be associated with me than with others.
And so it will be as long as the girl believes that her happiness is his responsibility.
If your happiness is another must do some action. Should behave a certain way. And for you to be happy, he should not say certain things. And don't even have to think about them... And not to make you suffer, it should love exactly what you love. And it is in those moments when you want it.... – Then you have problems that should be treated!
If the person doesn't want to take responsibility for their own happiness and remains in the relationship, he expects THAT the PARTNER will CHANGE! Understand?
"I expect you to change..."
more:
"I'm staying to change you..."
"to ensure that you..."
"to Make you like it is what I want."
And all this is because I do not allow the thought of losing you. In order not to lose you, I will change myself.
This means that our girl is going to torment a man to torment himself, but ultimately, as life shows, it will still lose. It turns out three tragedies at the price of one!
And here is the question: you need it, such "happiness"?
!
