Working in your practice with anxious children and counseling their parents, I notice one common pattern. Almost always the parents of these children are placing them too high (for kids), but because absolutely impossible demands. Sometimes it is due to the dissatisfaction of parents with their own position and the desire for their child "a better life" (but we all remember where the road is lined with good intentions). Parents often make the child their unrealized dreams, depriving, thus, of your child the main thing – the right choice to live your own unique life. Some parents, seeking to protect the child from the dangers (real or imaginary) to form his own sense of helplessness before the world. There are other reasons for this parental behavior, such as parents reproduce the upbringing of his childhood and repeat their parents.
the consequences of all this leads?
Very quickly in response to the demands of adults that the child is not able to perform, the child forms the following symptoms of anxious behavior:
- low self esteem;
- the feeling of being a loser;
- increased criticality in relation to others;
- fear of new contacts.
- avoiding situations in which it is necessary to defend their interests;
fear to take the initiative (acts, relations).
Thus, the child formed a special type of person who tries to act so that to avoid dealing with any problems. All of this interferes with the normal development of the child, the realization of his creative abilities, socializing with peers and adults.
Most parents of anxious children themselves have a high level of anxiety, which is expressed in low self-esteem, and General dissatisfaction with yourself and your life, perfectionism, obsessive various fears and phobias, failures in partnerships. Often, children just "play" or embody the anxieties and fears of their parents.
How You can help your child:
- Accept and love your child for who he is. Respect not only of his dignity but also his fears, his shortcomings.
- Try to reduce the level of their requirements and level of control.
- as often As possible, praise your child for even minor achievements.
- do Not compare him with other children or with you "at his age". Anxious children contraindicated situation of the competition.
- do Not scold the child for failures or errors. Calm and friendly together and discuss the situation, its causes and other possible options. Tell your child that You believe another time he will be sure to succeed. It is important that Your child understand that you love him not for his success, but simply because it is.
- don't make something for the baby when he asks if You are sure that he can do it on their own (or did before). Tell him, for example: "I believe that you can handle yourself. I'll be there for you and always ready to help if you need it". Give the child enough time to complete the task, do not rush and do not criticize it.
- because anxious children often with a high level of muscle tension, it is necessary to pay attention to bodily relaxation. To do this, fit massage, swimming pool, children's yoga or dance classes.
- in order For Your child to build a sense of responsibility and to Express their need for someone to love and someone to care, get him a pet.
- Think of a joint hobby or activity that will be of interest to You and Your child.
- If You feel that things are out of Your control, contact with the child help to a child psychologist, because the sooner You start to deal with the problem, the less its impact will have to be addressed.
In conclusion I want to quote the words of a famous psychoanalyst N. Mack Williams: "we All wish our children what they themselves lacked. This desire is harmless, but only as long as we exempt their children from any coercion to live for our dream."
Live in harmony!
!
