This article is a continuation of the article "Three illusion which should break up to 25 years to become the Creator of your life," and in it we will examine the identity of a man who survived the acute stress and not correctly managed psychologically to cope with it, i.e. so that it did not have a negative impact on his life.
Not cope psychologically it means not to be able to experience strong negative emotions such as fear, anger, guilt, shame. These emotions have already arisen, and they have a strong energy charge and discharge has not occurred. non-living, i.e., no conscious emotions are a psychological education – "the container". Container split off from the conscious part of the personality and psyche is protected from the introduction of consciousness.
Outwardly the person may look quite successful, calm, but when there are incentive he might lose control of himself and, depending on the charge, strength, repressed emotions, react in the most inappropriate way. motivation may be the smell of the other person, reminiscent of his experiences, sound, place, etc.
the same event may one person be traumatic for the other to stay just a memory.
Such terrible events as war, disaster will certainly affect anyone, but depending on the individual characteristics and development conditions, people can deal with them or not. For some people, a divorce or cheating may be no less traumatic experience than the accident and prevent you from building new relationships.
Here I formulate the concept of injured person, describe the conditions of formation of such a personality, how it manifests itself in relationships with others, what kind of mindset she has formed. Injured , in this context, it becomes if it's not possible to transform the pain experience, i.e. to accept it as inevitable.
Sometimes, after experiencing acute stress, disappointment, traumatic situation, a person believes that he hasn't changed. The World Has Changed. Or he finally opened his eyes to his surroundings, the situation, loved one. This worldview often leads to feelings of isolation and loneliness, disappointment in life and people. In all. It is a major sign that the person was unable or unwilling to perform, THAT still happened to him, and instead of one, destroyed the base of the illusions built by others.
What may be regarded as an injured person.
- Romanticism, is seen here in the worst sense of the word.
It can include
- the idealization of the relationship and the inevitable future frustration, later explaining loneliness.
- the fanatical devotion to some idea or community.
These people know what the happiness of mankind, and for this ready to sacrifice all, who has other ideas about happiness.
2. Predominance of group values over the individual.
the Man in the first place puts the life of the group, the community, and not his. On a global scale, this idea is manifested in the sacrifice of yourself or another for the sake of their group. The group can also be own family, which is the leading victim, and subsequently by the Prosecutor ungrateful offspring, is often the grandmother or the mother of the family, but sometimes the father or grandfather. The same learn, and their children, who also begin to live for the sake of their children. If they protest against this perspective, and refuse to continue the race. They do not want to have children of their own.
All for the family! Or for the cause!
This representation has a direct relation to illusion of immortality. The main installation is says that man shall live, while live band with which he identifies himself. Thus, they seem to gain immortality.
3. Desire for self-destruction
Traumatic event or injury, the funnel doesn't let go. People "stuck" in the past. At that age, in that situation, in that time period. He continues to act and think in those categories that were applicable in the situation, denying, thus, Reality. "My grandfather was quiet and sweet, he still bombed Berlin", the song "Agatha Christie".
Many fighters ATO and are unable to adapt to civilian life, hence the desire for mass suicide, alcoholism, illegal actions, etc.
the Desire for self-destruction – it's like "taking" of control over death in their hands. Self-destruction manifests itself in alcoholism, drug abuse, being in a toxic relationship. The majority of alcoholics, "beginners" Holy drug addicts trying to convince myself that I can quit at any time. Addiction is the road to death, and dependent like can control this way.
4. the Illusion of justice system of the world.
Good always wins, you can't betray your principles, you have to be honest and fair, etc.
Some people believe that all evil is necessarily punished, and the good will prevail. It's usually too honest, noble, principled and fair people. However, their nobility and honor belong only to the members of his community, and for the sake of principle they are willing to sacrifice their lives and the lives of their loved ones. It is noteworthy that such people often play the game "trust no one" by E. Berne. This person will specifically be running into trouble, to prove the correctness of his motto and receive reinforcement of their own position: "I'm fine - they're not right." So the player in NNV will be looking for unreliable people to make them ambiguous contracts and with pleasure, even with joy, to confirmation that you can't trust anyone - only me. Such a person may even feel entitled to commit murder justified by many betrayals from the people he once brought because of their unreliability.*
5. the Illusion of simplicity, the device of the world.
As already stated in the article "Three illusions..." is a black - and-white world of perfectionists, quite regitnig personalities, as well as those people who have been physically abused or have been betrayed. It's simple: there are "Nashi", which need to be protected and "not ours", which must be destroyed or punished, or they should be avoided. For example, a woman who was raped, will say that all men the rapists and women the victims. The man who changed the woman who will divide people on the sly, lustful women, and deceived men. And this your "experience" caring parents flog their children. In actual fact, there are many other relationships.
Most of these features, it is possible to meet the teenager. For adolescence is a normal stage of socialization, "youth extremism".
If no such image of the world remains in an adult, it can be called an injured person.
I Want to repeat that not every person with equal traumatic conditions becomes injured.
unfortunately, often the most innocent and pure soul people are brought up in the book ideals, carefully guarded by the parents from all the difficulties of life, will be hurt more injured Reality, due to bad adaptation to reality.
What to do if you have agreed with many statements and comments in this article? You can find the path to healing in the next article, "Traumatized identity. How to heal".
.The first article was posted on my website Ty-est.dp.ua
*E. Bern's "Beyond games and scripts"
Bern E. Introduction in psychiatry and psychoanalysis for the uninitiated"
E. M. Cherepanova "Psychological stress: Help yourself and the child."
Illustration: Ivan Slavinsky