Typically, tolerance is the tolerance to something different, unconventional and unusual. A synonym of loyalty. And it seems fine and is approved by society.
However, there is another, very destructive context of the word "tolerance" - reduction in susceptibility and sensitivity to a specific impact. This effect can be anything. But all the sensitivity is reduced to what is harmful or unpleasant. Psyche and the human body try by all means to restore relative comfort, to survive in difficult circumstances.
In my work with codependent clients or customers who are in dire destructive relationships, to the forefront very quickly beyond just tolerance.
And it turns out interesting story.
the eyes of the customer - relations were terrible just lately. And my eyes - they were terrible from the start. Just at first this was a bit terrible, and then it grows and grows.
the First thing we notice with clients, exploring these relationships is a shifted normal. When a Declaration of love to the grave on the third day when nobody guards, when the blackmail of "if you love me, then ..." becomes commonplace (love you ought to prove), when the user what to wear and who to be friends confused with care, when the calls and inquiries each step are taken for the interest and attention when someone is pissed off partner and he's banging his fist into the wall, and no one is frightened.... and so on and so forth.
And that's the man with improper regulations sincerely wonders what happened to his partner. At first it was all good. And.... the
is actually happening now.
Remember when you tried a cigarette for the first time. Disgusting, isn't it? However, then the discomfort is quickly gone all day and smoke starting to like you. It works tolerance. So it can last a very long time. And then starts coughing, shortness of breath, trouble sleeping and the like. When tolerance is not enough to hide the effect.
When we talk about tolerance in the relationship - it is not produced with this person and it is in this relationship. Not exactly since this all begun. The relationship of man comes, have "learning to smoke without disgust."
Tolerance, allowing to recognize potentially severe for a relationship partner is formed in the family, long before we get into my first relationship.
We recall with customers which was the norm in their families. When they learned "to smoke or not to feel disgust", to put it bluntly... for Example, if one family did not respect the child's boundaries - as it will learn to recognize their violation in detail? No... he will notice when he will get under the skin and become unbearable. If love in the family was served in a sauce of control and anxiety psychopathic jealous will look at first very normal candidate as long as he keeps himself under control and dispenses its manifestations.
While we do not know where and what developed tolerance - you cannot change your script relations.
And then the task of therapy is to restore sensitivity and get rid of tolerance to destructive behaviour, to learn to feel the "smoke" even at a distance of five meters, to immediately move away.
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