it May be that expressed empathy or sympathy for the man, suddenly will cause you pain, resentment, anger? Yes, it can, as there are different types of empathy.
Let us first define what is empathy.
this word is of Greek origin and literally it means "in the" "suffering, passion".
with a conscious-experience of the emotional state in which is situated the other person. However, the definition of empathy is the complement of what the feeling-into subject person does not lose the understanding and feeling that his experience is of external origin.
In 1905, Sigmund Freud one of the first used this term and gave it the following description: "We take into account the mental state of the patient, for this - put yourself in this patient's condition and try to understand it by comparing with their own condition."
So what are the types of empathy can be found in everyday life?
First of all, it must be said that empathy includes 3 components:
- cognitive consists of the intellectual processes of analysis, comparison, generalization, analogy, etc.;
- emotional is the feelings, emotions, experiences;
- behavioral – specific human actions;
And these components can be connected in different proportions, forming a particular kind of empathy, which can manifest in each specific situation.
Emotional empathy. In this kind of empathy for maximum emotional component, with a minimum of cognitive. Therefore, it is characterized by a very strong zahvachennogo events, situation and feelings of another person. When you lose the experience that the source of the feelings experienced by a person, does not belong entirely to him.
for Example, looking at the wound of another person and feel physical pain, fear so strong that it can immobilize and prevent to help the wounded. When you cry and shout with him, and even lose consciousness.
Or view a homeless man brings such suffering, confronts with such a strong sense of guilt and the desire to avoid that to save another, he becomes homeless.
Empathy empathy. Here all three components are in good proportion, which corresponds to the life situation. In her compassionate person, along with understanding and experience of the difficulties and suffering of others, finds in his soul the inner space is free from these experiences. And that relying on this internal free share in himself, he remains able to survive, and yet to think properly, make decisions and act in a way that it leads to an improvement of a situation or state of another person's real support.
Cognitive empathy. In this embodiment, empathy reaches its maximum cognitive component at minimum, and even the complete absence of emotional.
this type of empathy characteristic of narcissistic personalities. Since analyzing a difficult situation of another, realizing the feelings he is experiencing, what is needed is the knowledge of the person with narcissistic manipulative adaptation will use and deploy to maximum advantage.
Narcissus because of the lack of emotional component is not capable of being honest with the sympathy, co-suffering, co-experience, he cannot join the other's feelings, will not join them. In it, tasks and no plans to help you. Its sole purpose is to help yourself. No one but yourself. No one else but yourself.
that's why you can't be in the misconception that a person suffering from narcissistic disorder, no empathy. Empathy is, but it is only cognitive.
And this is why it is important to recognize what kind of empathy, both from the senses and from experiences that met you on the way to not get hooked on the cognitive empathy of a person with narcissistic adaptation, which he can and will use as a means of manipulation to get what he needs from you and what will harm you.
Yes, sometimes to protect themselves from the traps of cognitive empathie very difficult.
Indeed, in difficult situations, the situations of loss, divorce, illness, death, breakup or other similar person begins to suffer from confusion, uncertainty, maybe, his own powerlessness and helplessness. And so to remain strong and wise in this situation is extremely difficult, almost impossible. What are the daffodils.
And when you lost, and opening up their cognitive empathy, give them the right to a certain amount – they take everything. For them your love, openness, tenderness, kindness and generosity look like weakness.
And so human it is easier to believe what the narcissist is doing it unintentionally that he is mistaken and wrong that costs him about this directly and honestly to say, it immediately will start to behave differently, given you and showing concern.
But it's not. All the words, the actions of the narcissist about you pragmatically calculated in many steps forward. Scary that sounds? Yes, very.
is there a way to protect yourself from empathy a narcissist?
Yes. first step admittedly, he uses it.
It is very difficult, as in showing kindness, even false kindness people tend to respond with openness and kindness. It is normal human nature, which helps to survive many generations of people. Without it in any way. But about the kindness of the narcissist always comes with a cost to those who take them.
Second step can be what you define is what you want from a narcissist.
What could it be? Yes, everything: money, position, care, a special position in the family....or removal of certain duties that he does not want to perform for a variety of reasons ... anything...
having established this, it is important to understand – you are ready or not to meet this need Narcissus? And if you are, then to what extent without damage to itself?
it is unjustified and excessive openness and kindness on your part in response to cognitive empathy will not bring nothing but abuse you.
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