some parents want to come up and say, "Start saving for therapy your child now."..
"Shh! Silence! Not shout! Psst!"soothes the mother of his child in the bus. She was uncomfortable in front of people. She shook his hands and says "Quiet, don't shout!"Child in the form of a few months.
Today, riding in the bus and saw this picture. Unpleasant for me and very revealing. Once again faced with the parent installation "Silently. Not shout." Instead of distracting the child to understand what's wrong with him, mom chooses a familiar way to "calm" child. She forbids him to cry loudly to Express their feeling.
When a baby cries, it's almost always about his pain and/or fear. It is about about that: "Mom, how many strangers! I'm scared. And I'm hot. And it is very noisy. Mommy, I feel so bad! I don't want to be here."About such words the child would say if he could speak and if he was given that right!
How not to cry the baby in the bus full of strangers?!
"Quiet! Why are you shouting?! Let's collect toys, just can't play!" - commanding voice, says the father to his 3-year-old son.
"Shut up!" - mother chastises her seven year old daughter when she excitedly tells her mother about what happened to her during the day.
"don't be so loud. Behave quietly and modestly, as befits a girl" - inspires a grandmother of a 9-year-old granddaughter.
Then these children grow up into adults, become the clients of psychotherapists:
- "When he told me "sit tight", like I was numb and couldn't move. And then.... and then...." cries a client, talking about the violence.
- "every day He says mean things to me. And I can't do anything to answer him. Silent, and in his throat," - says another client.
- "I can't understand I love him or I think?" Client does not really understand their feelings and doesn't know how to react.
These clients are grown-up children of those parents who in the childhood were forbidden to shout and Express their feelings. And in fact, it was forbidden to feel and live.
Now these adults have serious problems:
- They can't understand what they're feeling;
I don't know how healthy way to react to your emotions and the emotions of others;
- it is very difficult to understand yourself, your desires;
- And they can't fight back the rapists.
Is this not enough to understand what NOT person (even the baby, especially the baby!) ban to Express your feelings???
I didn't say that mom. To be honest. I'm tired. But if you know these moms and dads say it is possible as gently as possible: "Children do not want to forbid to Express their feelings. Such children grow up to be very often victims and losers."..
I usually add: "Start your child on a therapist. When he grows up, he will need long-term therapy. And it is expensive."
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