Ignoring the behavior that you like and punishing what you think is wrong, you will never be able to explain to others what you want them to achieve.
In accordance with the theory study the behavior of those around you is determined by your reaction. The actions you encourage or reward, again much more often at that time, as the things that you ignore are rare.
Behaviour → Praise (punishment) → Repetition
Behavior → Indifference (punishment) → the Disappearance of
so, to sum up.
1. You need to reward those actions that you like.
2. Do not try to punish things you don't like. Many people see punishment as a reward.
3. It is best not to pay attention to not liking your behavior. Praise and punishment can lead to a repetition of the act, whereas neglect certainly will drive such actions.
for Example, "Wow, you again missed the" replace with "Congratulations, today you have significantly moved forward".
the Most common way to Express admiration is to give a direct positive evaluation. You just tell the person what you like in it:
· the Behavior. You are a good teacher.
· Appearance. You have beautiful hair.
· Things. I like your shoes.
this behavior can be improved using two ways:
1. Technique what/why. You are a good teacher because you carefully think about each one of us.
2. Call the interviewer by name.
Favorite compliments.
Women
Men
You are a great woman
you Have a great figure
Your eyes – madness
you've Got beautiful hair
No one knows how to listen better than you
You're a great mother
you Have a nice car
You did a good career
I'm proud of you
Your wife looks fantastic
Other men I can only envy your figure
hit Me with your knowledge
Your charm no one can resist.
What a wonderful little chip off the old block
Beside you pale all handsome
Your humor is inexhaustible.
a few examples of compliments:
· Know your energy just charges others
· I'm amazed by your hard work.
· Watch, how do you work – a pleasure
· don't be shy, your ability is known.
· How do you manage to conciliate the people
· I didn't know that you are so subtle and good with people
· Your smile is so disarming
· it's nice to talk to you
· Communicating with you, you can learn a lot
· you Have amazing powers of observation
· Your stamina and endurance I have always admired
· Your will and discipline to be envied.
· It is perfect that you have a persistent character
· bribing Me your kindness and compassion
· How do you manage to maintain fashion and taste at the same time
the Technique of criticism.
the reason for the failure of criticism:
· the Fatality. The criticism is that generates a feeling of irretrievable loss, inability to fix things, to change things for the better: "You're even stupider than I thought."
· Edifying: "You know how I need to do?", "More must listen to the professionals." Such expressions give rise to inferiority complex or the feeling that picking on him.
· overly emotional criticism. The effect of such criticism is negligible, because the dressing suppresses the weak, the strong causes a reaction.
· Negative generalizations. If on the basis of private failures make global generalizations about the insolvency of a person, is nothing but a legitimate protest, it can cause.
· Criticism on people. This neglect of the elementary rules of ethics can be costly.
How to turn a negative statement into a positive one.
If you are a little hard, I almost always manage to turn a damning criticism in a constructive statement. If nothing comes to mind, then just praise the interlocutor for something minor, at least for trying.
for Example, "You're five years in, and shifts are no" model "Not everyone manages so hard to do what you love".
you Can define the communication barriers at the level of verbal expressions and phrases.
· Order, instruction, command ("Try again!"; "Speak more slowly!"; "Don't talk to me like that!").
· Warning, threat, promise ("Calm down, I willingly will listen to you"; "Doing so exercise, you hurt your knees").
· a Teaching, an indication of the feasibility ("You should..."; "This is wrong"; "You shall not...").
· Sermons, logical reasoning ("your age..."; "You adult (smart) people...").
· Condemnation, criticism, accusation ("what you did was stupid"; "I can't argue with you"; "I warned you..."; "Who taught you how to do the exercises?"; "The first time I've seen that so worked on the simulator?").
· Abuse, unreasonable generalizations, humiliation ("you Idiot!"; "You can not be charging anything"; "All women...").
· Clarifying, questioning ("Who put you up to it?"; "What will you do next time?").
· care of the problems, a distraction, a joke.
Similar to the barriers we create more out of habit than consciously. But the result is the same: we can't hear what we say.
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