will Tell you what "motivation is the opposite." In the matter of procreation meet this phenomenon every step of the way.
This: people with difficulties in the reproductive sphere (more than a year, attempts were made to work, and the child comes). Well, very often in this situation, this person starts to rush in all heavy, hard and follows the traditional (and not so) techniques, listening tips, comes recommended to all professionals, sometimes not limited to the field of medicine, Yes, Yes, I'm talking about psychics, grandparents, etc.
And what do we have after these ordeal for a year or two or decades? We get a tortured man with dimmed eyes and absolutely exhausted nervous system, which (now please!) at the mention of the word "child", "pregnancy", "mom/dad" starts to sound the alarm and to play (who both expressed) negative reaction – from emotional discomfort to the point of tears and sometimes even hysterical manifestations.
get this:
- see pregnant or with a stroller woman turn away;
- know that a friend will soon give birth – I think the minimum communication;
- notice even a magazine or a poster with mother and baby, the tears, etc., etc.
that's what I call "motivation is on the contrary" – the desire is there, it's huge, but at the slightest touch to the subject reaction is played such that only to run headlong in the opposite direction from the purpose.
Understand what a paradox comes out? We are trying to get the psyche of the body in the area, which automatically is already out in a cold sweat. And how to do it? The mere mention of the child causes a tremendous release of stress hormones – what kind of pregnancy then may be when the body is busy dealing with stress reaction?
And as is usually the case when motivation is "direct"?
Imagine a man who wants a certain car. What will he do? Walk around, examine, sign up for a test drive, sit in it, look at the world through the eyes of the owner of the car.
Or a woman who wants, say, a dress. Will go, to try, to think about where it will go, and what admiring glances caught, right?
the Main difference they will both experience the pleasure in contact with the desired object, will be to build all my life so to get what you want, to watch with pleasure on the coveted object, more pictures will print out and the apartment will Rackley. Here is a "video" motivation. And I can only assume that sooner or later they'll get.
But if the motivation is already wrapped against itself – without study there is not enough. Whatever the primary cause of difficulties with reproduction, in the presence of "motivation on the contrary" we will always obtain significant weights towards the desired object, as we say using "can't."
What is shown to those who already watches a display of "motivation contrary"?
- personal therapy – external help from a good psychologist is precisely the meta, from which it can recognize the above symptoms, find out where they are and what you have, and help you overcome them;
a moratorium on attempting to get pregnant, while the intensity of negative reactions at the mention of the theme subsides;
- cognitive behavioral therapy – this, too, will tell a good psychologist – generation strategy text paragraph by paragraph: what will I do not just to wean myself off of bad strength, and to accustom themselves well to respond to topics relevant to motherhood, and not throw them in tears;
- no violence (even if it comes from doctors)!!! – stop ALL the actions that bring pain, discomfort, frustration and heighten the negative background in this area. There are carefully – if you are being treated for something – continue to be treated under a doctor's prescription, BUT if it's an endless string of diagnostic procedures – you should think about how to make a pause.
full STOP the self-blame – "well I'm so-and-so even a normal child can't look," etc., etc. It's not your fault! These are the principles of operation of the mind, a conditioned reflex – read about Pavlov with his experiments and understand that the development of such a reaction from you – the same reflex. For the body and mind normal not to want to where them many times being hurt.
In the end, all these recommendations about self-love. I know how often now you hear this strange advice to "love yourself and let it be". It is not always clear how to "just love yourself". Therefore, I will detail for you the recommendation. No love will fail, if not to stop the rot and force yourself. Ask yourself not only "what's new?", but "what old and familiar is not to do never, under any sauce?". I hope the recommendation will help.
For today! And remember – everything is fixable, irreparable death.
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