the Hope Arkhangelsk
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and this Happens. Consultation. Worried woman a little older than me. Let's call her Sophia (name changed). Divorced, two kids. Son 20, daughter 13.
"Sent his son to study in the regional centre. In the second year it came a new lecturer. It seems not very young. Forty she is definitely not. Whether widowed, whether divorced, two kids. He was about to say. Calls me and tells me that they at the lecture she explained...Smart, beautiful, well-read, says. At first I did not understand, and then the maternal instinct began to tell something...In the end, she seduced my son. the Son fell into a deep depression, even wanted to leave University, but still managed. Now with her communication continues, but I can't follow, became secretive, doesn't tell me anything about her. I really wanted to write in College, but something stops...".
on the one hand, the situation is as old as the world. People meet, people fall in love...get married. Whether the difference in social statuses, age, Yes, all religious, ethnic factors, if is love?
on the other hand, in front of me sits a mother with pain and fear at the same time. Many of us can understand what it stands for and unwillingness to share the son with an older woman, and some installation preventing make the choice...
As a psychologist, I was excited by these words. "In the end, she seduced my son. the Son fell into a deep depression, even wanted to leave University, but still do this."
Proved that the son was scared of being thrown out of University that his lady will tell all teachers that they have had sex...And instead of a constructive dialogue or referral to a psychologist, a caring mother, began to drum into his head that "had contacted the prostitute", to "leg it", to "not dare to approach her." Not realizing and not realizing the vulnerability of the light feelings, not reassured that everything will be fine. According to mother, sexual relations occurred just before the holidays that hypothetically led to stress and to a certain uncertainty between the partners.
now son, the woman doesn't know. No, he calls and comes for vacation. But it became in her words "very different". Learns well. Shows the grade book. She still they has some discipline.
- You feel that he is suffering?, - ask.
- Yes, of course, I'm a mother...
Yes, no one argues that the mother, but first and foremost, adult, samodostatochnaya woman, raised two children. No husband, no lover. There is no privacy.
- Why?
- my son once said, when father left us seven years ago: "If the guy is a stranger, I'll kill you all!".
- You?
I'm not married...As I promised my son.
- And what is promised?
- I'm a mother...I don't want my son killed.
But it's the emotional statement of the boy?
Thinking...
- No, still. I raised him not to get his slut trailer into the house.
have to Admit, when I heard such words from her, a little speechless not lost. "That's Shadow!", think, "what the hell?" I am a teacher myself, divorced, with kids...could be in this situation. know that some male students sympathize with me, it is quite natural. Moreover, among my acquaintances and friends created a family with a difference on 12, 15 and even 20 years! It was a woman,and in some cases it is the woman - the teacher and the student. We live, Thank God, in perfect harmony. And parents, too, initially did not approve, Who is in Moscow, one in St. Petersburg, who in Volgograd now. One, two, and three who have already shared the kids even...That's still moms who are well over thirty...
I don't even want to imagine how a son who chooses to share with his mother the secret, met with resistance, as a mother watching the suffering of the son, threw him into depression, as the son of shut off from her...
Yes, she is the mother. But the problem is that the son is perceived as absolutely inseparable product of not having their own opinions and decisions. I want to believe that adult, adult young man decided for his soul, and not contrary to their true wishes and feelings. Sharp unjustified remarks about women, barbs on the age, denounced to me as too primitive and vulgar, and found in it a resistance and at the same time emotionally distanced his mother.
Acceptance.I other man is perhaps the only Foundation of conflict "parents - children". The child is not a child, not a helpless creature, a personality, not a boy, but an adult young man. The prosecution woman of molesting her has an adult son (20 years after all) have no legal. no physiological basis. And this conflict will last until then, until the mother recognizes that her adult the man responsible for his choice.
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