In this article I want to talk briefly about the phenomenology of narcissism and ways of forming narcissicism organized person with the point of view of the Gestalt approach and, in particular, dynamic concept of personality. We can talk about the dominant meta-achievement needs, the narcissistic part of underdevelopment, to the detriment of the rest (especially neurotic). Actually, this is implied here by the word narcissism as the main line, which went the development of personality.
The true the way of formation of narcissismis when the child has to cope with a complex, sometimes daunting, task not by age. When he's not ready, too small, but it nevertheless is achievable provided that the stress limit of their abilities. When the child is in a situation where you need the involvement of a parent (primarily mother – and her next is not), then the following happens. The child handles himself, but at this point feels like a kind of “bridge” between him and for adults rises. “Replacing yourself parent”, it is in the vacuum that need to be filled with something. The feeling of triumph from his power mingled with the grudge of an abandoned child, which subsequently kompensiruet admiration.
it Happens also that to attract attention, receiving love from parents, to do something that is admirable, how much to try, another option for the formation of narcissism. When always is not enough that there should be something else. Love is replaced by the admiration he deserves. Eventually, Narcissus and is ready to throw the mother – she would not need it, he can. In phenomenology of such adults or parents always on the unattainable height of the pedestal, or impaired overthrown.
“Narcissistic” child accepts the rules of the game and it's very functional, he learns to rely on herself. For Narcissa this is the norm. He despises those who are childish, who are waiting for assistance. Narcissus does not know how to ask. Contempt – as the flip side of envy, but envy the displaced feeling of Narcissus. Another powerful feeling, to the experience of Narcissus is a shame. It's a shame not to know, not to be able to be incompetent, insolvent... the Shame may be so toxic, paralyzing, which is comparable to the fear of annihilation, and the narcissist is doing everything to avoid the shame.
Narcissus confuses love and acceptance, for it is the synonyms. Another unbearable feeling is pity. For Narcissus pity always humiliating, he doesn't understand other nuances of this word. “I pity you” is equal to “you jerk”, something like that. Neurotic side is overwhelmed, and he does not understand the other shades of the word. The pity of understanding empathy, compassion, affection is unclear.
In therapy the narcissist tries to use the therapist as the “bridge”, which had removed the mother, make it this feature. He constantly asks questions like: what to do with it, how to deal with it, how it works, maybe there are special exercises and so on.
Relations are not interesting, interesting new possibilities, a different “how”. Thus the neurotic hunger is not going away, however directly to please him is extremely difficult. Because the need for love is replaced by the need for recognition. Satisfaction does not occur, or very briefly, because this love-recognition is also impaired. Narcissus after all, abandoned mother, once upon a time... a man, a customer, focus on self, on their perfection – energy loops, it is difficult to deploy on somebody – very little remains. Contact is based on functionality, though there is a sense to pay attention to the quality itself.
the narcissist is so afraid of a repeat experience, which again will leave, will reject, it is easier to deny or to devalue intimacy, to fall into cynicism. Hypertrophic meta-the need for freedom of manipulation is expressed in freedom, often pathological. Narcissus seduces masterfully, at the same time, nobody should and no one is spared. Unlike schizoid, Narcissus could survive intimacy, and wants, but there are peculiarities. There should be an equally fine man, like himself. And it can be an endless process of choice... actually, blame fear of rejection, although it is realized with great difficulty. When prompted about loneliness from narcissistic personality that should be the focus of the therapy. br>
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