“the Goal of parenting is to teach our children to do without us.”
Legume Ernst
in Order to successfully cope with the announced learning goal, we need to recognize that when we delay the granting of freedom and independence for their children, we make life easier yourself.E. Fromm: “Love is an active interest in the life and development of the object of love”, and the development is always on overcoming. The child is important to feel the support of parents, but just need to allow him to make independent steps. Sooner or later the child will have to live without us, and it would be better if he was a child he learns to overcome difficulties, to survive the mistakes and negative experiences, and to make their own choice.
it is Also important not to overdo it, giving freedom gradually, in accordance with the age of the child. If we are talking about freedom in decision-making, you have to be sure that the child understands what will be the result of his choice, and this choice will have no fatal consequences. It is not necessary to put the problem to a six year old to choose a school, this is too much responsibility for him. You can tell what one school is better than another, from those that You have chosen. Let them learn to weigh, to analyze the arguments "for" and "against". But, of course, only the language which he understands. The high school already can take a more active part in school choice. He already has some idea about their interests and plans for the profession. A small child, who began to cry, you can always offer to choose one of 2-3 of toys. He learns to make choices and that it perfectly distracts from crying. Also there is nothing wrong to give little girls the daughter the right to choose their outfit for the school festival from a couple of options.
No matter how old Your child never have to answer for it, if you turn to him and not to You. Even if he does not utter a letter "R" and his name is Roman. It will be another motive to work with a speech pathologist. 10 times tactless adults or children will tell him that his pronunciation is something wrong, and motivation ready. Child support and the organization of these sessions with a speech therapist, or yourself – it is the task of parents. But the child says let always for itself. Let him speak the wrong words, wrong to construct sentences, let him say socially unacceptable things. So he will understand what is socially acceptable and what is not.
In the life of any child there comes a period of "king tut", when he refuses familiar food, of course, useful and balanced, chosen by loving parents. He refuses to wear the usual things, because his favorite color of clothing suddenly stops him. Of course, you can try to explain to him that the color of his clothes fit him under the color of the eyes, and it does not show dirt, but oatmeal is very good for the stomach, and carrots for vision, but most likely, these attempts will not succeed. Give your child the freedom to seek their sympathy, listen to it carefully, understand its needs. He is learning how to develop your taste, it is an important freedom of choice of their preferences. Of course, good habits are important, but violence will only cause the opposite feeling. It is better to calmly explain the benefits of cauliflower in front of the French fries. Perhaps more than once. Perhaps after playing with the options for its preparation, preferably involving to this process the young gourmet. You can go to the Georgian restaurant, he may be something they will like. A change of scenery to turn it into a little adventure, and you will then learn the preparation of several dishes together. If absolutely nothing happens, and the child only wants the fries, let them be satisfied, he'll wear himself out. And at this point we can agree that the fries will be in the family for the holidays, or on Sundays.
it is Not necessary to impose their musical, literary and cinematic preferences of their children. They are from a different generation, and expect that tastes will be the same is naive. To meet them is one thing. To see the cartoons, go to the movies, listen to Opera, watch a ballet, to read their favorite books to a child is a right. While the child is little, he willingly walks with us, listens to our reading he books to be together, to have new experiences. Later, it might be a protest. And, even if we really like a favorite childhood book "the Fourth height" of the heroism of Guli korolevoy in WWII, and we want our child to share our sympathy, this may not happen. Our children, being people from another era, I can not understand even to the end of the situation that it describes, the moral standards of the characters, and so on. No need to worry that the child refuses to share our tastes. Among our close friends, probably enough of them. They can watch, listen to and discuss songs "Cinema" and the film "Irony of fate". Let the child reads, listens and watches what he likes.
as soon As possible it is necessary to provide the child the opportunity to cater for themselves. Very often we are in a hurry and it is easier for us to do everything ourselves. But the child needs to learn. Therefore, nothing can be done, it is necessary to take time in the morning dressing with the stock. As a rule, for pre-school children like to do everything yourself. To dress, to actively participate in the cleaning, wash dishes, throw clothes in the Laundry basket. There is nothing critical in order secretly to wash over him, the floor, or the dishes. Gradually it is necessary to provide this freedom. This will form a very useful habit to make a General contribution to the overall life of the family. In addition, it usually increases the sense of importance, self-esteem in General, and disciplinary, as life is a series of repetitive procedures.
When the child becomes a student, this point he, as a rule, appear pocket money. If it fits in the allotted amount, you must give him the freedom to spend them at its discretion. This will give him the opportunity to learn how to handle finances. You can spend it all on chewing gum, but can be postponed for some time, and buy a chemistry set. And if he is not enough money, and he said, ask him to justify the increase in the amount of pocket money. It'll teach him a mini-training that will be useful in the future when talking with the boss about the salary increase or with the investor on the investment. In this place it is possible and to agree on a more active contribution to family life. For example, ask him daily to throw out the trash that he deposited the idea that if you want more money, you have to give something in return.
Parents are often guilty of the fact that their unrealized dreams they pass on to children. If they wanted to do ballet, they often try to arrange to your child, not given, and if she really wants this child. Or if son wants to sing in the choir, and You believe that it is nemiscau lesson, and take him to football, and he hates this game, then this is still no good. To arrange a trial lesson with your child – this is the maximum that can be afforded in this direction. Can theoretically like. But let your child choose their Hobbies. But if he refuses to go to any clubs, if all proposed says no, keep looking until you find. Listen, observe what he likes to do, and help him realize the scope of his interests.
Give children the right to personal space. Should not predilection to interrogate him about the relationship with friends and girlfriends, to read his mail, browse the phone. It's an insult to the kid, forces him to pull away from us. Moreover, it is unacceptable to give any negative comments about his friends or girlfriends. You can't influence his choice, and the relationship very much from this spoil. Another thing, if all critical, and You suspect that the child contacted the bad company and drugs. This threatens the health and life, and in this case the tolerances are much larger and here it is necessary to do everything possible to save the child. In all other cases, the personal boundaries of a child is taboo. He himself to share with You if you have confidence if You will be discreet, and will not be rude to pry into his personal life.
Give your child the freedom to be a child, not Your friend. You can be friends with equal, and parents are legally and moral norms are solely responsible for their child and accordingly they should be support, those people who, with their adult positions, will help and never throw in trouble. Child important family hierarchy, otherwise it will not pass before the end of the role in childhood, and there is a high probability that it will try to compensate in adult life, endlessly engaging in codependent relationships.
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