Infantilism - as the search for Paradise on earth or "Mother knows best"!
Lost ego, and other aspects of infantilism from the perspective of the Gestalt approach.
"Growing up is damn hard. Much easier to go from one childhood to another." Francis Scott Fitzgerald
a Metaphor of heaven on earth is a nourishing, not terminating the mother's breast and search for the breast in different ways. Adult man feels the terror of existence and the horror of responsibility for the choices in life, so looking for chest mental and reliable mother's hands that always do.
all of this "qi" and "BAA" baby "cries", pronounced "adult" words, as well as the inner peace of throwing.
At one extreme, the powerlessness and the weakness of an infantile person, on the other, the omnipotence and the omnipotence of the person that supports immaturity.
There are families with generations of "adult children". In such families the power and control concentrated in the hands of one person, that resource and is able to maintain a "younger family members", for example money. However, it is the illusion of power and the illusion of control – each Junior is doing what you want, "guerrillas" when a senior sees. And the senior is responsible for the actions of Junior and has a duty to support resources. The older the unenviable position he finds himself in the role of "endless mother". This mom will come in and solve the problem, the younger only need a loud cry and stomp his feet.
story: Gestalt therapist, trainer and supervisor in Moscow Gestalt Institute Tatiana Samorukova, Gestalt therapist, psychologist Anna, Nine, Gestalt therapist, psychologist Constantine Samorukov.
INFANTILISM FROM the perspective of the SELF
In the process of personal growth and maturation, a child meets the requirements necessary for meaningful development. The child HIMSELF is faced with novelty of the world and looking for ways of creative adjustment. In a constructive option: mom's support, to which the child addresses if you want. The task of the adult to withstand anxiety and to give the child to try to do what you want. If adult can not withstand itself, and does not give the child to buy their own experience, there is a substitution function of the EGO (the process of implementation of choice) the child and the child develops a passive way of adaptation to new events in the world. This way: to shout, cry and demand mom to mom came in and made the choice for him.
Complementary position of the adult is that it is safer to replace the EGO of the child than to help your child to grow up and gain confidence in yourself. Adult supports external control and self-frustrare overcoming a difficult situation for the child. The child begins to live in accordance with the installation that he with the situation can not cope, need an adult.
Accordingly, the EGO – function is lost. A distorted view of himself, the displacement of knowledge about their own skills and abilities depriving of freedom of choice and forcing an infantile person to remain in the horror of helplessness. In this case, the choice of the action happening "as usual" without thinking and then it is, alas, not a choice. A habitual pattern of behavior.
the infantilism also include avoidance, avoidance in the form of: "I can't, I'm ill", psychosomatics and hypochondria, eating disorders.
INFANTILISM AS a CONSEQUENCE of HYPEROPIC PARENTS
Continuous improvement, continuous "upgrade" their own child, replacing the child's personal motivation leads to the fact that the grown-up child gets used to live at the direction of others. And does not know how to live by himself. Not know what he wants, what direction to develop.
Support infantilism adult feels the instability and understand the illusory nature of power and control. Therefore, in order to keep the child in the zone of influence, begins to suppress the child. The bans appear to their opinion – "mother knows best", is used devalues criticism: "again, you're all wrong". The feeling of "leash", which pulls an adult and upsets the child, "heel", so God forbid he did not understand that it can become independent. The course is and the depreciation and maintenance of the fear assessment, the cultivation of feelings of guilt and shame.
the Child begins to doubt themselves at the kernel level of the individual. Infantilism - the "ideal" way to be safe and to please the mother. So infantilism is fixed in a way to satisfy the neurotic needs for love and affection. Sad sack, but beloved. And mother will come, will. Thus control over adults is in the hands of a child.
the Child grows up. And becomes infantile adults.
RELATIONSHIPS WITH INFANTILE PEOPLE
the relationship of adult infantile people with partners are characterized by a high excitation level and low level of differentiation.
So, a person is not able to adequately assess himself and acts. In unusual situations habitually begins to cry and claim to do as he asks.
Surprisingly, this pattern of behavior persists into adulthood. For example, when the wife is stomping their feet and screaming in terror in a stressful situation, because not think of that can handle herself. The skill of adaptation is passive, so need the help of her husband. The wife cries out for help as best he can, with yelling and scandal.
this Happens because the person gets to powerlessness, humiliation, shame or guilt, there is a high level of mental arousal, which then is discharged through the affect. Wife in captivity introject, setup a gift from my parents: "I am not able to do anything myself, I am dependent". With this introject occur dysfunction Personality, i.e. the distortion of the representation of yourself and as a consequence the violation of the Self-process.
People in these situations say "I smell, I can't stop." Indeed it is, because the function of reduced self-control – there and then given to the supervising adult. Thinking categorical and rigid – there is only one truth, him or me. After the escalation of the conflict infantile adult gets defensive and tries to restore the position using guilt. For example, make every effort to zavinovatit other, and thus to take a safe position "top". If this does not work, takes the blame, starting to manipulate "I'm so sorry". This manipulation is not like a sincere apology and called projective identification.
infantile adult sense of Self is distorted, repressed shame. The reality is carefully ignored, because it is important to maintain the right picture of the world.
And the outside world becomes threatening and the man is expecting the attack and violation of psychological boundaries. So keep ready tools such as "insult".
This style of communication makes it difficult to make contact in the pair and requires partner's tremendous patience and love. Infantile people characterizes reduced self-control, increased anxiety, desocialization, childish behavior in inappropriate situations. If infantile adult "lucky" and it will create a complementary couple with a partner who knows "how" to live and tend to the parent position is a luck for him. The immaturity of one partner kompensiruet over-responsibility and adulthood second.
GESTALT THERAPIST WITH a CLIENT
Infantile man cleaves part of its energy and projects on the other person. The goal of working with a Gestalt therapist to help the person regain energy. The assignment of this energy will return to power and faith in yourself will inspire you grow and give interest in life. Works well a combination of personal therapy and group, training the basic psychological skills necessary for personal growth.
If You are interested in this topic and want to find out more how to operate these mechanisms in other mental processes we invite you to our group:
the Coach, supervisor, Gestalt therapist Moscow Gestalt Institute Tatiana Samorukova, +79165454826
Gestalt therapist, psychologist Anna Nine, +79161919699
Gestalt therapist, psychologist Konstantin Samorukov +79262791642
Youtube channel - GestaltUniverse
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