I personally do not like the term "conscious parenthood". I feel no living parent, but I feel the manipulation of the parent. I believe the term is harmful and detrimental to parents. br>
characters:
I am a boy Bob (not his real name) 4 years old, his mother Valentina (the name is also fictional).
in addition to Vani she has 3 and their 2 children of the husband from first marriage.
Situation:
I Only appear on the Playground Vanya rushes to me at all speeds and starts to ask something, share impressions.
He shuts me our my husband and daughter. His mother is not pay attention. While Valentine promotes conscious parenting.
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I don't know what term to use instead of conscious motherhood/parenthood, so I will try do without it.
In my opinion, one of the most important in parenting is the ability to soberly assess their strength, their resources/opportunities/flushes and your leaks/holes/injuries.
the Number of children or lack of them – it's not about conscious motherhood. But what are you going to do when absolutely exhausted, when children it is impossible to give the attention due to excessive fatigue, so they press it from other parents due to their children, is on conscious motherhood.
This is the about important thing in parenting. Assessment resources-assessment of their leaks.
I understand why Valentine doesn't pay attention to the fact that her son constantly have other adults and a lot of talking with them. Because it's some relief that it is not necessary to give attention to the most. And because the son will bring something.
And here I want to draw attention to 3 important things:
1. the released energy from others
Children always see who and how on the playgrounds deals. How other parents communicate with their children. They immediately see who are in online who can give.
So they can immediately see who is taking and who need them, children's, energy and life. Depending on the history and speaker of the child he will choose, with whom from adults to chat. Whether will get. Whether will give.
In our situation, the boy gets up, that is, picks up energy from the other parent. What do you think happens next?
And then, taking the energy of another parent, the boy in the children's handprints carries her exhausted mother in the hope that it will be filled and will give him the love and attention.
the phenomenon I see about a year on different playgrounds with different children and exhausted mothers.
Children serve as couriers, transmitting the energy of one of their parents. And after all, few people will refuse a child the energy, is not it?
As it is awkward to tell the kid:
- you, my dear, I energy his not give, because I can feed your mother.
by the way, I have never seen such a feeding on the playgrounds of the father.
When the child takes energy from another parent, this parent no longer enough energy for your child. Here, go to step 2.
2. children have the right to their parents.
Vanya frankly begins to extricate our daughter from me because my thread is her, of course, not him. He's doing it physically with his body, he does so through many questions and stories about what day it is.
I see how these kids do it with different parents and different effects.
As already mentioned in section 1 , parents hate to deny someone else's child, and they begin to feed it with your child. And to feed into a double, the child need the adult portion of his exhausted mother.
Our daughter has the right to be your energy I gave to the other kids but her. She has every right to all of the attention, support and love I can give her.
And how do I explain to her that between her and a stranger to me a child, which feeds on its mother, I choose them and not her? I how would you explain that?
Here is the moment just allows you to say these children "no". When you realize that there is a choice between your child and a stranger stands behind his mother with a large spoon, then with words, and most importantly, the condition for failure.
I was denied today he verbal a few times. When he realized that I get nothing, he turned to the other mother. And the mother with boundary issues, with the right of ownership and the ability to say no. Between your child and asking for Vanya, she chose the van.
Her own son very quickly reacted: he began to fuss and try to escape from the site. Children well understand and feel the system processes.
Telling his son "you're so stubborn and impossible," the mother had to leave the Playground. the
Vanya comes to me again, and I set limits on his mother and not verbal, and in the space of "feeder closed, one more pound".
Valentina suddenly gathered all her children and went to another Playground. With more mothers giving.
And here it is important to keep your resonance and go to item 3
3. I can't cope
We so rarely allow ourselves to say that we are not doing something that it follows in the challenging consequences.
We come from countries with totalitarian Soviet regime, when all of the people have decided and the people were obliged to sacrifice their lives. If you look at Soviet films, there is often shown the attitude of society to people who never aged and could not cope.
I firmly believe that the number of children is the parent's decision, not the government and certainly not mine.
I went through exhaustion, when I could only take that is, from personal experience I know that such a desire for someone to connect and pressing other resources. I was stopped in my parent's family this was strictly forbidden, and I built this program.
So I have a lot of work with what I have with leaks. Where, who, what flowed my energy, and even in such quantity that I can barely Wake up. br>
This is because I said "I'm not coping, I need help".
I am well aware that other parents, especially their children, are not to blame for the fact that I have some leakage. With my leaks I need to deal with on my own and at their own expense. I don't mean that without the help of other people. I mean, it is not necessary to wring resources from other parents and their children.
you Can say that you are not coping and to seek professional help.
Looking for your specialist and work with him on closing the leak, you have the right not to handle.
moreover, you can choose not one expert, but several in different areas. Someone is working with your system, someone with your body, for example.
PS beautiful baby devices? You may already have started.
PS 2 Want to mark such an important moment "and say to the child". br>
matter How tough it may sound, but none of us have to cater to someone else's child and his needs. No one is obliged to look for mitigating words to not to hurt.
It is the task of his parents. HIS parents. br>
Baby, seen you give your child, and how to tell him no, in any case complements your trauma of rejection. It's not your fault, it's his fate. The original base was laid by his parents, and no one is obliged to correct at his own expense.
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