"You stupid grandma! Go away!". A woman in a stupor from her five year old grandson. Approached me with the question: "what about when you so humiliated?"
"Yes, it can be very frustrating, it's a shame, cause protest, anger. After you like a child, you seek him with all your soul and suddenly ... such hurtful words. What did you say?" - I asked.
She said, "I couldn't think of anything to say except: "Oh, since I'm stupid, go look sharp good grandma!"
what TO TELL YOU? a
Similar situations with children there are many. Ranging from "You're a bad mother! Go away!" - the words of the little 3-4 year old child to "Leave me alone, you fool!" a true teenager.
This can not be tolerated, you say. Of course, but what to do?
Now a lot of information, which describes how to react in such situations. And people read and know theoretically, but when it comes such moment they are overwhelmed! It's either confusion or anger. In the result as "two kids in a sandbox. What to do with covering you with anger or confusion, which destroy the relations of affection between you and the child? And, of course, what to do in this situation, strengthening relationships?
I will illustrate this situation.
so first:
When you heard these words,
WHAT did YOU FEEL?
- confusion, a desire to defend.
- from what?
- of Course, this is very frustrating and disappointing. Because you're trying so hard to be a good grandma (my moms the same thing happens), and then - "you're stupid", which translates to "You - bad". All ideas of correct answers the child be unavailable. Need to be protected from feelings of Shame that "I am bad".
WHAT to DO?
1. If you find it difficult, you seem to believe in this accusation, and anger arises. Remember, you are not accusing your parent, and young child, that something happened.
2. Tell yourself: "I am the good (s), I'm an adult(yy)"! Confidence will return!
3. Now consider the answer to the child.
let us look at the history of the group.
I said, "Tell us the situation. In response to what the child said such words?" the
Response: "the Baby was waiting for mom, and I came"
Let's see:
Why the kid said so?
What he could feel in that moment?
- the Anger, because that did not happen as he expected: "Mom comes home"! the
1. Reflect his feelings.
- You're angry now, because my mom didn't come. You wanted my mom came and I came.
2. Confirm his feelings.
- of Course it hurt when mom doesn't.
3. Pause.
You gave the child his feelings, he needs them to survive. He can get you to say something. Listen and watch the changing his feelings. As the anger subsides gradually into sadness. He will begin to accept the fact that did not happen the way he wants. This is an important moment for him growing up.
you Might see tears, to hug, to be close.
4. When the child calms down, tell me what you hate to hear from him such rude hurtful words. Tell me that you don't want that again, because you love him.
Yes, it's long, not easy. But in this way we help the child to grow up!
!
