Mother – the first important person in a child's life. It helps the baby to get stronger, to understand their feelings and desires, to become self-sufficient, to prepare for the challenges of adult life, to meet my “I” and so on. But not always the mother's behave the same way affectionate and adopting (because of their circumstances and upbringing) than can harm. And sad as it may sound, it is difficult reparable harm.
to Write such a review has pushed me personal experience and reading books peg Strip “Unloved daughter”. Despite the taboo nature of the topic, I think every child growing up in that environment must realize the gravity of the situation and understand that it is possible to seek help and begin the path to positive change.
the Author has conducted its own surveys on the basis of which described 8 types of mothers. Classification is not scientific, and is not intended “hung” labels on people. However, she simply and clearly describes the toxic behavior of mothers.
Ignoring mother – is characterized by complete disregard for the needs and feelings of the child, his presence. Asking the opinion on any question, the answer is not perceived judgment of the child is not taken into account. This makes kids feel unwanted, unimportant, not valuable, unimportant.
Consequences of education: “bad” behavior, difficulty understanding their needs and desires, avoid conflicts and disputes (even if one is aware of his innocence), tendency to please others, difficulty maintaining close relationships, social maladjustment, inability to defend their point of view, low self-esteem, attempts to gain the attention of any cost.
Controlling mother – the inability of the mother to recognize that the child is an independent individual with its own characteristics and desires, constant monitoring of behavior and activity. A mother makes a choice for the child, she makes decisions about appearance and clothing, the study subjects, additional classes, recommended friends, etc. Controlling behavior makes the child feel that without the help of my mother, he can not cope, he did not get that love must be earned “true” action.
Influence on personality: the lack of understanding of its “I”, emotional lability, evaluating yourself through the prism of the opinions of others, fear of choice, search for relationships of another controlling person, unwillingness to take responsibility, fear of failure or of failure, lack of confidence, low self-esteem, confusion.
Emotionally unavailable mother – aloof and emotionally distant woman. A mother may outwardly appear perfect and caring, but within the family she tries to maintain emotional distance. The lack of close contact also has a negative impact – the kids are trying all means to attract the attention of the mother (frequent illness, asocial behavior, difficulty learning, etc.)
Effects: people find it difficult to establish close or friendly relationship, it is difficult to understand the feelings and bodily sensations, prone to addictions (including emotional attachment), feel the critical need for maternal love, you feel empty and unneeded.
Fickle mother – the type of mothers who are poorly versed in their own feelings. When raising a child these moms tend to “rush” from one extreme to another – to be intolerant to the borders of the child, to invade them and be annoying, then emotionally isolate themselves from children. Behaviour becomes incomprehensible, impossible to predict. Disorientation does not allow the child to understand that mom will be happy, and that is very sad.
Influence on personality: distrust of men, fear of intimacy, inability to emotional self-regulation, a lack of understanding of their own feelings and body signals, convergence with violent men in an attempt to recreate the relationship with the mother, the attraction to friends and partners control-type (control is confused with reliability), the haunting sense that everything is not right, the fear of responsibility and self-reliance, distrust of myself, low self esteem, fear of mistakes or wrong choices, a lack of a sense of self-worth and importance.
self-centered mother – this type is sometimes described as narcissistic. Mother more concerned with maintaining the appearance of prosperity and the creation of a "pretty pictures". Often make decisions for children, dictate what emotions should have a child, belittle their opinions, ignore the feelings and desires of children, require achievements and tangible rewards, inspire the idea that love must be earned.
Effects: trouble understanding feelings and their bodies, in desperate need of assessment by a lack of self-esteem, lack of happiness and lack of understanding of the causes of this condition, search for a romantic and friendly relations of people of the narcissistic type, the feelings of loneliness and helplessness without understanding the reasons, difficulties with establishing intimate contact, workaholism.
Militant mother – seriously absolute power over the house and the kids tend to fall into a rage at the slightest disobedience. Most often considers children as its a continuation and not independent individuals. Explains the penalties and sverkhkriticheskom an attempt to make their poor child good, to education, to correct deficiencies. Can shift the blame to the children to deny responsibility for their behavior.
Effects: misunderstanding their feelings, inability to control strong feelings, reaction with a weak hint of a conflict, difficulties with trust to itself people, a bad adaptation in stressful situations, fear of responsibility.
type of Intrusive mothers – sees children as the continuation of itself, violates personal boundaries, invade them, trying to create a child very close ties, make decisions for children, uses guilt to manipulate.
Effect: clearly formed self-image, confusion in his own feelings, impaired adaptation, difficulties with transition to adulthood, fear of responsibility, lack of understanding of their own desires and needs, the alternation of anger and guilt.
Mother, the changing roles – not the most common type of mothers. It happens when a mother for a while (or permanently) unable to perform their functions. Responsibility for the family falls upon the oldest child who has to fulfill an uncharacteristic role.
Consequences of education: too fast growing up, the feeling of being lost childhood and carelessness, inability to communicate with peers, sense of isolation, internal conflict the child – anger “hung” duty and love of a mother, difficulties in establishing trust relationships.
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