"I just get sick when I think about the blind man, dead indifference, musty slowness and conservatism a lot of people in our country. And of course, the most disgusting – their all-consuming evil of envy."
John.Fowles "the Collector"
while various motivational speakers, citing the example of Steve jobs, praised perfectionism as an engine for outstanding performance, clinically oriented psychologists point to the "dark" side of the perfectionists is a constant need for admiration, hostility, dominance, manipulative and even sadistic in the realization of their ideals. The same Steve jobs refused to acknowledge his daughter, the existence of which posed a threat to his heroic legend about himself.
after a careful consideration of those impressive results, which achieves driven by the desire for perfection, grow out of an extremely destructive source of envy. To such conclusion the result obtained by Russian scientists results study relationships between jealousy, perfectionism, gipersecretii behavior and depression. The authors write that according to the definition of scientific psychology, envy is a combination of painful feelings of inferiority, hostility, and resentment caused by a comparison with another person or social group who possess something desirable for the individual. The feeling of envy arises in situations when a person compares himself with other people whose quality, success and achievements he perceives better and higher than their own. Hostile component of envy is understood as a snapshot of a defensive reaction that occurs in response to frustration and shame caused by the experience of inferiority when unflattering social comparisons. People with low self-esteem, unstable or vague identity are more likely to seek self-determination through comparing yourself with others.
the Results of a study of students showed that students with severe perfectionism have higher rates of depression, a large orientation towards social comparison and the prevalence of hypercompetition as compensation chronic dissatisfaction. The data obtained fit into the modern model of the perfectionism social disconnection, demonstrating the paradox of perfectionism, primarily aimed at gaining acceptance, respect and love from other people, but, ultimately, acting as a hindrance to the relationship of trust and creates a risk of loneliness. Support provided by envious persons may depreciate, after all, assist implicitly assumes that the individual needs it. The subjective perception of envious of the person exacerbated the contrast between "excellence" and help "deficiency" in need of that support is traumatic for self-assessment, and the counselling situation — humiliating.
In my opinion, the empirical data are consistent with the psychoanalytic concept of envy, which was developed by Melanie Klein in line with the theory of object relations. She noticed that the real object of envy is fun. Not so important what the other person gets pleasure from having things, popularity, high income or good looks. It is also important not receives it really is fun or just simulates it. It is important that the envious person perceives and feels as unavailable to him. "A jealous person is bad at the sight of fun. It is good only when the suffering of others," writes Melanie Klein.
Envy is destructive impact on social ties and relations, since the envious to seek and ruin the object of enjoyment of another person. Recently there was a case which well illustrates this theory: someone tried to pull from my mailbox a beautiful large envelope, but when he failed, this one was urinetown on the mailbox together with all its contents. Now, theoretical speculation Melanie Klein, that being at the mercy of envy, the infant fantasizes about how it will absorb from the mother's breast all the nutritious and delicious milk, and instead will leave their feces and urine, does not seem to me quite so extravagant (lol). Corruption of the object of pleasure is not only physical. Often it is a symbolic "defacing" through depreciation, judgment, moralization, criticism and competition. That's why some people prefer to remain silent or downplay their achievements – they fear that others may "spoil" their object of pleasure.
Perfectionism is probably one of the forms of protection from envy. To be the best or have the most better way, so that it was impossible to question the means to protect themselves from criticism from others, and from private envy towards others. The goal of a perfectionist is unattainable, because not solved the dilemma of "better-worse". Until a person has problems with the economy of his own pleasure, he is doomed to envy. But the perfectionist doesn't know and depressed, the main content of which is shame, which is different from the "classic" depression, the content of which revolves around the ideas of guilt.
This is a significant difference, as the ideas of guilt motivate to the establishment of social relations symbolic atonement for real or imagined guilt, and protection from shame is achieved by breaking ties and isolation from other people, the envy and sense of inferiority ("They enjoy, but not me"). Therefore intense feelings of envy and shame are a serious threat to any relationship, including the therapeutic. From the therapist in these cases require particular vigilance, since such patients are prone to sudden interruption of therapy and other forms of destructive acting out of their feelings of envy and shame.
*, Garanyan N. G., Klykov A. J., M. G. Sorokova Perfectionism, envy, and the competitive setup in the student's environment // counseling psychology and psychotherapy. 2018. Volume 26. No. 2. S. 7-32. doi:10.17759/cpp.2018260202
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