sitting in front of me a woman about forty-five years, the last twenty of which she spent in marriage. Over the past year, relations with her husband, she learned about long-term relations of her husband with another woman and their child. What I hear surprises me is sympathy, and then anger, but the woman seemed not really touched... Exactly, without emotionally detached, like it happened to someone else, not her, she talks about her life, about the relationship with her husband, which a lot of silence. And even here, you can (and should!) throw a tantrum, cry, get angry, say she remains alone with his pain. She's not here, not in this office...
Her life was divided into "before" and "after". Her life will never be the same. But in feeling like it isn't her life isn't what she wanted, what she dreamed. And he was again silent, saying only that he loves her and wants to be with her. Silent about their many years of betrayal, pretending that nothing happened. She also wants to be with him, but this pain does not allow it to approach him, to start again, not let go. And so it is also silent. This pain is so much that it blocks access to the feelings and emotions that are ready to spill out like hot lava out.
I wait patiently, along with this close to this volcano, ready to explode at any moment, but it fades... it takes time. To meet, to dare, to Express, to feel. Need time to fully understand what happened and what to do with all this.
But, as if there is an event, and there is further life in desperate silence in which you need to do something, to gather my thoughts, to overcome difficulties.... and to deal with this pain. The picture, which lacks one of the puzzle – and what it was in the middle between this event and life now. Missing something important, that hasn't happened and rushes inside.
Then I gently say, "You are too quick to forgive him...". Her limp hands, falling to his knees, head lowered, and she starts to cry. The volcano breaks through...
Silence like a blank wall between a man and a woman, causes great pain, alienated from each other, prevents one or both spouses to learn about the desires, the needs of each other makes relationships superficial. Silence in a relationship does not give a chance to know the other person what it is that would make these relationships valuable and really close.
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