my mother's BLAME the MAN THAT has CEASED to COMMUNICATE WITH HER
Q:
Mom raised me alone, and when I decided to marry, she took it hard, especially due to the fact that we decided to live with her husband's parents. My mother and I work together, all of my free time I devoted to her. Called constantly, left overnight. Tried to do so she never felt lonely. My husband and his family she disliked. Therefore, the relationship was not very good. But we communicated, together spent holidays. Then she met a guy. And it all started... Even before we decided to build a house on the land my mother's to live close. This guy got started to command, in the end we all had a falling out. She also began to drink with him. My relationship with my husband and it deteriorated completely. I am also with her all the time fighting about it, visit it us not calling and she does not come. I am very worried, and my husband too. Want to communicate as before. At the moment we barely talked for a week. Don't know what will happen next. We were not against it men, but not happy. Now in wary. And in all this I blame him.
Answer:
I am genuinely sorry that now you feel your mum doesn't want.
it's like Mom's dumped you, and you experience different feelings, including you lonely without mom, despite the presence of his family. Perhaps you feel betrayed your mother. For a long time you had her as a mom. You feel a strong responsibility for the mental health of your mother. But this responsibility is not yours. Yes, it is very difficult to rebuild, and to return to the mother responsibility for her life and her choices, and her attitude towards you. Now your mother found another person who "brightens" her loneliness it became unnecessary. But don't need? Your mom is like used you (unconsciously of course) that would not be alone. Therefore, her relationship to your husband was negative. Its presence is threatening your mental Mergence with it. And you may feel guilty that you got married.
of Course, you as a child, much attached to his mother. You are very much in love with her and put her whole soul into her care. And you did it because I saw in mom the "victim" to be saved from "loneliness", and now you abruptly ran into another mom's side is quite independent and indifferent to you.
on the one hand it is a blessing that your mom met a man. But on the other you had to meet a heavy feelings of the true relationship of your mother to you. And these feelings are incredibly painful. Plus you are faced with feelings of separation. Mom still separate from you, the person, has a right to their lives, with their own choices and decisions. Please I will be very glad to help you to cope with feelings of guilt towards her mother and the other heavy feelings associated with separation from mother. It is important to change the relationship with the mother at the level of feelings. And perhaps your relationship will change for the better.
PS: Record on consultation by e-mail [email protected] or personal message.
sincerely,
Irina Potemkina
Analytical psychologist and practices TPP
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