My mind is prone to anxiety. Hearing about a new idea, the first thing I instinctively start to think, what could go wrong and imagine the worst scenario. If during intercourse occurs of ambiguity, I immediately make negative conclusions.
If you notice the same tendency, to change them is quite difficult and perhaps this is not even necessary. Probably, such reaction is peculiar to you and brings some positive results, for example, it is thanks to her you show diligence and attention to others. However, you can learn to recognize the times when you perceive what is happening with excessive anxiety, and adapt the brain so that it didn't restrict you. Below I have listed a few common problems, the cause of which becomes anxiety, and tips for their solution.
You misjudge how others look at you
Anxious people worried that they may not like others or that they can be considered not talented enough. For example, if the counterpart does not welcome you as warm as others, and always in a hurry when dealing with you, you can decide that do not like him. But if you look at the situation realistically, you can find other explanations: perhaps he warmly talks with those who know better, or used with all the jokes, and you seem like a serious person. You think you don't like a colleague, and you start to avoid it. But he can look at a situation from the other side and decide that this is neglected and that he is not like you.
it is Important to know when you interpret interpersonal communication without convincing evidence. However, and perhaps more important to understand that even if your colleague does not feel to you sympathy between you can be fruitful.
You take a defensive position, getting feedback
Anxious people often want to succeed, so they are looking for feedback, which should help them to improve. The problem is that this feedback they perceive as a disaster and an indication that they are doomed to failure. If this is your case, think about what will help you become more open to criticism. I find it easier to accept criticism when I receive it from man, whose advice to trust, from someone who believes in my skills and talent as a whole and dilutes the criticism with positive comments. For me the best way to get feedback on my request (so I feel in control of the situation) and by email (so I can consider without haste).
If you know in what form they prefer to receive feedback, you know, what sort of form does you no good. Think about how you would feel in these scenarios is more comfortable. For example, I find it hard to listen to criticism from new people to me, but I also believe a fresh perspective is very valuable, so willing to put up with the discomfort. It is also useful to have canned answers to the cases when the feedback caused severe anxiety and you need time to deal with his reaction. Say, for example: "It's valuable comments. Let me think about them and make a plan to help us implement your suggestions."
You avoid situations that seem complex to you
We often try to avoid situations that cause us concern. And then ashamed of it, which leads to ambiguities in communications. This problem can manifest itself in big and small things. Perhaps you are embarrassed to answer a letter, and you postpone it for later, giving the impression unreliable, unorganized or misleading people. Or, maybe your pathological fear of flying causes you to abandon the mission.
In many cases it is better to be honest, what makes you insecure. You do not always meet the understanding, which I hope, but the transparency of your actions reduces stress, increases confidence and is often perceived as courage and sincerity.
You react negatively to unexpected ideas
If, having become acquainted with a new idea, you first of all consider the risks, disadvantages and reasons for the venture did not succeed, people will likely notice that your habit in advance and waiting for your negative reaction to all things new. Even if over time your attitude to the ideas of change, your initial reaction may be to demoralize and irritate others.
In this case you should learn how to give feedback so that it was mentioned not only disadvantages but also advantages of the considered ideas. And your first reaction to a new idea you should try to note its positive side. So you will help yourself to think more balanced, and everyone will benefit. To say that you are concerned about, of course, possible, but to finish better too on a positive note. Another strategy that you can benefit from giving feedback to a delay in the reaction at least for a few hours to make a considered opinion.
Anxiety can motivate people in positive ways. For example, the fear of rejection can make you work harder and deeply value my relationships, and sensitivity, caution and care — to improve the performance for complex tasks. The better you understand how it affects you anxiety, the better you can use its positive aspects and minimize the negative. Accept yourself as you are. This will help you better cope with the difficulties arising on the job.
About the author. Alice Boyes (Boyes Alice) worked as a clinical psychologist, author of "the Toolbox of a healthy mind and Toolbox of anxiety".
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