fell in Love with a good man maiden. She also doted. Together they are like two peas in a pod and let's build relationships. And not a simple guest relations, and the most that neither is true. Deep. Marvel, a miracle!
And they opened to each other in these respects very deeply. And, reaching the heights of intimacy, shared each other's deepest secret. This is not the restaurant for dinner to catch up. "Look for his wife in the garden, not in the dance".
And it turned out that the man is an avid dog lover. And they were, dogs are affectionate, he has as much as seven. And another found that dogs she, of course, allergies. And not just allergies, but a real complete intolerance.
And she put him a condition:
— I Will be your wife, if his dog would refuse and the whole me only belong to you.
Listened to her good fellow, and speaks back the word:
the Dog for me — not gizmos some shabby. As friends they are loyal to me. They are part of my life worthy. They are part of my essence deep. And give me as a knife to the heart. Go, my precious and beloved, away. Find yourself a comfortable sprugnoli Yes flexible. I myself and my passion for dogs will not betray. And friends my dogs, too.
and So it went, two people like ships at sea. Not formed their Union is anxious. So each to his left. Those who knew about this story, in different ways treated her. Someone felt sorry for them. Someone twisted his temple. Someone was trying to intervene and fix things. After such a beautiful this couple was just beautiful!
Exercise "Loyalty to yourself"
the Fairly realistic tale, isn't it? And that each of you was able to make it their own conclusions, I propose a simple exercise.
Is an exercise in threes in two phases.
When the lottery selects a "master of the situation". All that will continue to occur at two stages of the exercises are illustrations for the master of the situation. He watches his assistants.
- First phase is a living illustration of a situation when the person chooses this option: to remain in relations, but to sacrifice your own interests (dogs, gardening, or something important for the soul).
In this first phase of the exercise "master of the situation" appoint one of the assistant Deputy "himself" and another Deputy "partner," a third assistant — assigns "the fact of the victim's rejection of their interests."
And the Deputy are included in the assigned role, connect with a role, listen to feelings, body signals and share experiences.
note: to get into the role can not only professional actors before going on stage. It able every. Remember the movie "Comedy of strict regime". One of the prisoners was integrated in the role of Lenin, Oh well, that was practically a leader and a tribune for the rest.
the fact that the person immersed in the role, starts to get a lot of messages, signals and messages. Changing posture, gestures, breathing rhythm, direction, and focus sight. And outsider think that this is all very like the theater.
Here are just a "master of the situation" not to jokes. For the "master of the situation" very seriously. Because the Deputy is very well included in the role, can sometimes literally retell for the master of the situation the truth about what is happening. This is a very great resource to look at themselves in a particular context. Truth heals.
Example:
- Woman: "I'm Sad about the fact that he's so spineless it turned out. Refused to important parts of ourselves, important parts of his life... Insecure I was with him somehow... Insecure... And suddenly he meets a woman stronger and also she's going to go? How do I a relationship with him long-term to build?"
- Male: "Abandoned himself, and the soul cat scratching. Dogs something in my soul no more! Empty, boring, limp, sadly, powerless and unfree... Even that woman next to you, somehow does not please..."
- Victim: "I Stand as the centuries-old oak on the rock. Huge as a rock. Why do I stand, I do not remember. Chilly. What I sense?"
the first phase ends.
- Second phase is a burning illustration of a totally different situation when the person chooses another option. To create a relationship with another person and at the same time stay true to yourself, your principles, your interests. Not dissolve in the relationship, not to abandon themselves, and to create a Union of two decent, free, whole persons, each of which has preserved space for himself, for what can ONLY be called MINE.
In the second phase, the master assigns one of his assistant by itself, and the other assistant — "partner," a third assistant assigns the "true to himself".
Important: of Course, this task in itself difficult. In any relationship there is not complete freedom. There are restrictions in the form of feelings of the partner. But at least you can try to simulate this option and vzaimopriyatnyh mutually beneficial relationship, where each retains its integrity and dignity, feel their own importance and uniqueness, not abandoning itself, and its values, goals, interests.
the Deputy master of the situation and his partner listened to the bodily and other sensations, and share their impressions of this situation. In this second phase of the exercise ends.
Example:
- Woman:"Oh, and it's hard for me to talk to him, so stubborn... But if you agree, then he firmly defends the decision for those around you. Feel protected, feel his concern for the common, backed by personal initiative and judgment feel like a woman loved and cherished by a strong man".
- Man:"Oh, and it's hard for me to understand sometimes what it is meant. And why it was important to her. It's hard to talk about her. But when you feel her respect for me, I want the mountains of the great collapse, the glorious path to success lay".
- commitment to myself:"Feel like a stud, the axis around which the earth rotates. Glad there are a couple of people deserve each other's respect. Not fetters and taboos bonded their Union, and the spirit of admiration and gratitude, mutual assistance and the desire to be together."
In this second phase of the exercise ends.
- start the discussion. Which, as very often happens, very interesting exercise. Because in any discussion there are very different perspectives on familiar things, it always enriches.
something like this happened in one of my trainings.
— liked unusual. Very cool sketch. Recognize yourself in every detail. Reflects my painting.
— chatting with some people there is a sense of powerlessness and lack of freedom, some kind of inability to change the situation. But after a certain analysis of the situation understand that you do have a choice. To be with them and stay in impotence or be with others and to keep themselves and their power.
— today We plowed a deep furrow, in which the nuggets got the understanding. Is your life. There is your choice. Is your area of responsibility. And in some situations it is necessary to very clearly separate the alien from his. When separated from someone else's — that doesn't mean you're bad. This is normal. If you have colleagues or loved ones have problems, I can help. But at the same time I remember that I can't do homework for the whole class — first I have to fulfill my. I am willing to help very much, but there is a line, this is my area, here's your. Each has its own life, its own responsibility, their own interests.
— once again I am convinced that in the moment when you don't sacrifice yourself and remain a whole person, the following happens. You're whole and solid partner. And you can approach to each other, to touch, to discuss something, to accept or not accept something. There are no additional grievances and jealousy. Know that you will listen, understand, and will not destroy your essence. If you refuse to take himself and his interests for a relationship with a partner, you immediately become a partner not interested. Such a sacrifice does not bring what you expected. Sacrifice himself and immediately lose yourself and relationships.
— My previous partners were trying to manipulate me. They said that I'm not. They said that I need to change. When I was adjusting to other people's opinions, not get into a role, I'm not interesting either for themselves or for a partner. When I go your way, I open myself to such a partner I need.
so, my dear readers! Take care of yourself. Respect yourself. You are a precious treasure, a diamond, shining multi-colored faces. Create beautiful necklaces relationship, where both partners will Shine even brighter in harmony of colors, reflecting and reinforcing the radiance of each other. Don't let relationships make you muddy, dull, dull.
Keep true to myself! Your essence — radiance. So always Shine!
***
6-7 October 2018 launch the training course "Integrative model of the system arrangements" Moscow www.olvia-center.ru
tel 8-905-565-66-55 consultation via Skype: yury2266880
Article first published https://psy.systems/post/vernost-sebe-v-partnerstve
!
