What causes jealousy? Jealous is good or bad? How to interpret that feeling?
Jealousy can not be attributed to any one category, "good", "bad", it should be taken for granted. This feeling, like any other, appears and disappears. However, to understand the origins of painful doubt. The basis of jealousy is always a weak ego, identity, self-doubt and the future and, as a consequence - a "pathological" addiction to another person. However, if you have a personality strong enough identity, this does not mean that it will not be prone to fits of jealousy. Any of us can take the heat of passion and violent mental reactions (regardless of the taken course of treatment), during which consciousness and ability to think critically narrowed, the person ceases to control his actions. The only difference between a therapist and an ordinary man in this case, the therapist always understand the true roots of jealousy.
For understanding the nature of jealousy and areas of sensitivity we first need to understand the reasons for its occurrence. So, what can be the basis of jealousy?
- 1. Of fears – fear of failure, rejection, fear of abandonment, of being alone without a partner, fear of being alone.
- 2. Needs (for attention, care, closer intimate relationships, in understanding, hanging out, etc.).
- 3. An unconscious desire to change the partner or break the relationship. In this case, the person believes that he loves and is afraid to lose his partner, but there is a deep fear of intimacy and relationship, peace of mind is achieved only in solitude. Why is there such a feeling? In childhood the man could form a worrying, anxious-avoidant or disorganized model of attachment to the mother figure or other subjects of attachment.
- In adulthood, the behavior pattern will be played. "I'm in a relationship with a partner, but I will be anxious as it will go. I have the same mom also threw". In such situations, every nursing mother (to work, etc.) at an early age, the child could perceive the quality of care from him ("I got dumped"). Accordingly, the reaction to the departure of the partner to work, the business trip would be too disturbing.
- 4. The accumulated resentment, dissatisfaction in the relationship. The result is a rather contradictory feelings gradually accumulates unconscious anger at a partner, but to be angry with the loved person does not want, then jealousy becomes the occasion for a kind of vengeance (to hurt for all their grievances; such method is chosen by those people who have unconscious or conscious idea that the partner is required to make them happy) or psychological relaxation (tension so unbearable that we just need to lose this weight – I feel better, and he (she) may suffer).
to Understand the causes of jealousy is the first step to understanding your "I", the relationship to the partner. After analyzing the source of the problem, you can understand what to do next. In any case, it is necessary to realize that the catastrophe will not happen, so it is sensible to assess the situation and resources that you can rely on, if the suspicions are justified.
you can Watch my video on the topic of psychology and psychotherapy here
https://www.youtube.com/user/larisaBandura
!
