Nina was sitting on familiar to milimetrica the kitchen and looked at her mother. At the same time felt it for some deeper satisfaction: sometimes it happens when you suddenly understand why happened this and that and things that once breed from themselves, no longer bother.
– Well, what is interesting for me... – she said slowly Elena Pavlovna.
– You too.
– Really? – Elena jumped up and rushed to the mirror. – What recovered, right? It seems a little...
Nina was silent. In the year that they had not seen with his mother, she began to look noticeably worse.
– No, thanks.
– Pear, you are always loved.
– I don't eat sugar in the evenings.
– Uh, – Elena Pavlovna faintly pursed her lips. – As you wish. – All she reported: "the child played, just not hung".
It was the same problem that so many years have forced Nina to boil in a matter of seconds – and for some reason did not touch it now.
Maybe it's because she no longer felt small? As they say, we do not worry nothing, which is not within ourselves...
– Well, what job, how is it?
– Okay, have increased recently, leading a priority project.
Well, here. There's that look again. Exactly the same as when the little Nina in three years, paraded around the apartment in my mother's shoes. "Oh, how cute, my little girl imagines that she has grown..."
And don't explain that the truth has grown. That for thirty years, what she's done, "Nina Andreevna", the most talented specialist and General...
But at that moment Nina left all sense of regret that he and mom never see each other even living in the same city. Half an hour every six months is quite enough for such a level of warmth and understanding. After all communication is voluntary, and to suffer all sorts of unpleasant moments when they can be avoided altogether, is weird.
– Okay, mom, I'll go, I have things to do still.
– what's the tea?
– And tea some other time.
Elena Pavlovna was hiding under the sad mask the relief that you can return to your life, thoughts and emotions. Nina patted her on the shoulder instead of a kiss and went out into the stairwell. Who knows when she'll be back here next time... And this thought, oddly enough, felt nice, like freedom and maturity.
And you wonder, dear friends, about why some people, as adults, avoided communicating with parents? At all?
they even hang social advertising on billboards: "Call your parents...", "how long have you been talking to mom?".
And in the society as it is accepted to blame them (at least, this sets the tone for the older generation – well, those who have not had a reason to break away from him in opinion): ungrateful, selfish, all to yourself, how can you be so...
it is Logical to assume that if you don't socialize, don't call or come over, so I don't think is right; at least, the desire to see or talk interrupted by some other more important at the moment. So? So.
And now let's complete the picture, in order not to suffer the eternal problem of the narrowness of the review.
Remember, what the eyes look at the parents of toddlers. Three-month-old infants, has recently learned to smile; Godovskii that do meet the proud parents of the first steps so sincere; three year olds that would not want to let go of mom's hand on arrival in the garden... And correlate these views, the love and adoration from to adults "I have not called and do not want." Imagine what was going to happen on the way from point A to point B, from childhood to adulthood, to the man who once looked at mom and dad so suddenly lost the desire to talk to them (at least – to talk)!
And that is the important point. Because while the Russian community was invented only to "bad son, bad daughter – raised badly", "badly brought up = inspired enough guilt and feelings of duty." Yes, they say, parents are to blame, that did not care about his age.
But the blame is not so. Weird.
Because you should care not about his age, and the relationship. That was not in your and your children's shared history of these episodes for which they would like you to take revenge. Because loved ones, from whom did not expect the pain, we sometimes just desperate revenge. And lack of attention, neglect, isolation is, among other things, the most severe form of emotional abuse, much more significant than assault, for example. And is coming for revenge...
That is – just say – do not hurt the children. No little ones, no teenagers, no adults. And in order not to offend, is necessary and sufficient to respect.
You, dear readers, may have noticed the experience of rotation in a society that not all people (it would seem!) love, when you love them. There are all sorts of minimisethe cause quite a large part of the population misunderstanding: what is it? What? But everyone, absolutely everyone likes to be respected. Treat them like they are important. As if their values are important, desire is important, and skills are admired and desire to model.
And that's exactly what I want from you is your children. No matter how old they are now.
since many people have difficulty understanding and feeling of respect, make it clear. Man feels that he is respected when:
- It is needed there and then, where and when it is. People are happy that he is with them. In our case: parents constantly emphasize that they were happy that they had what it (she) and not for the world would not change him for any other child.
- His desires and needs are important to others. It won't leave hungry because they are too lazy to go to the kitchen and cook. It will not be forced to go to College, he is boring.
- He is given freedom of choice. I will wear this jacket, there's another. Want to become a pilot, you want a lawyer, you want someone else. I know that in any situation you will understand perfectly what to do.
- he wants to learn, recognize merit and dignity.
- giving Him the opportunity to command, to exercise their leadership qualities.
Here Yes! Each member of the family, including younger children should be the responsibility of where they are main, and can lead others. Otherwise, the need for leadership will be met in other, sometimes unsightly ways: through blackmail, manipulation, etc.
If you give this to your child, then do him and yourself a lot of good in life.
first, it will be much easier to grow than its peers, clad in the rigid framework of authoritarian submission, "deaf" to parents.
second, it will be shaped like a man, which is intuitive, unconscious level makes other people respect. Surely you've seen these and wondered: how do they do it? So. They themselves respect because of their respect initially. And they respect others because it is their basic model of human perception derived from parents.
third, children who are treated with respect, according to the law of modeling ("children do not listen to what parents say, they are just doing what parents do") respectfully communicate with mother and father. The "mirror". And, you know, it's very nice.
fourth, in the process (again, according to the irreversible law of reciprocity) you are starting the greater and deeper respect yourself. And it also affects life the most positive way possible.
– going back to the beginning of the Chapter – when parents respect their children, the likelihood that they will do something that will get revenge, is negligible. So, there is a chance to have a warm relationship with his sons and daughters not only as they walk with you for a pen, but when you have grandchildren. And, believe me, is expensive.
Often in the beginning of this path we have to go on the conflict with such beliefs as "he has not done anything to respect him", "dumb children", "children do not understand," just stubborn, deeply sewn against children as second-class beings. It is hard and painful... But, fortunately, when there is a conscious desire to build with children a positive attitude to help them (and yourself) to live the most happy life is a good "weapon" for the right fight for your future
, everything becomes possible. You strength and wisdom on this path, dear friends.
© Alexey Afanasyev. Maria Afanasyeva. Svetlana Sonnet. Alain Yara.
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