Today I decided to write about the installations that we carry from childhood into adulthood. Such programs affect our behavior and on our lives and mostly not for the better.
If you take one of the most common settings "don't be a child", it can be seen in the huge number of people and the consequences arising from this installation.
This is the same program that provokes adults to buy half of the children of the world whether for a child, or for yourself. This also partly applies infantilism in adulthood and ability to make decisions.
Why do they do it?
to close the void, the Gestalt, if you will. In fact they were not allowed to show her child to the fullest and now they are trying to fill because the demand is not going away. The reasons for the formation of such an installation are very different, let's look at some of them.
the Child, who was not the appropriate time to be a child, will try to return to that state and get your. Or Vice versa will be a ban on the display of childish and then not only themselves but also surrounding people, as it prohibits and condemns the manifestation of different kinds of child behavior.
so, what might be the preconditions for the formation of such a stamp
"there is room only for one child and that..." (the youngest child or dad, mom).
the Parents or one of them consciously or not shows its usually the oldest child, that it was time to grow up and become more independent. Of course, the question of maturation may be relevant for a teenager, but we are talking about little kids up to 6-7 years.
a Similar situation is often found in families in which are born a second child, and then, automatically, the early born kids are forced to grow up quickly. Here, I would have focused on how to build relationships of parents with their children and how parents are willing to take over care of the newly born child, without prejudice to the elders.
Children need to pay attention to, regardless of their age and our workload and fatigue. After all, in the end, our children decided to have a little brother or sister.
- the Parents constantly tell the child that he already adult.
we are Talking about situations where parents are rushing time and to quickly simplify your life, try to remove yourself more worries and shift them to the child. This includes a situation when parents or other significant people for the child, shamed him, saying that he was already adult and shouldn't do, etc.
the Phrase "you're an adult", "an adult doesn't act", etc. encourage your child to take excessive responsibility and experience guilt.
- "I'll love you if you behave like a big and adult, namely …"
Parents are sometimes so anxious conscious and obedient kids that they use different kind of manipulation. But all these phrases like "if you're an adult and obedient, I'll buy you a toy" and such child is literally forced to pretend to them that sow in it, sometimes even the belief that adults should be profitable and enjoyable. But he skips over children's role, he still played in life it will be anyway try this role out of the game.
the Parents who themselves have not had the opportunity to be a child due time, and now the children's behavior is dangerous to them.
This happens often. The people who had to grow up quickly, the alien feeling of childhood, it scares them, they may be confusing its role. Such people irritate any manifestation of childishness, restlessness, which is peculiar to children, they do not tolerate childish behavior.
They are scared to plunge into the childhood, because they really were not, these feelings are alien to them, and as you know, we are afraid of the unknown.
Parents love to somehow prohibit to show joy, to have fun (say, from jumping in puddles).
How often in a day we control their children and forbid them anything? Limited? Reasons, as a rule, is to ensure our peace of mind and baby's safety. But if you overreact, it is possible to cause psychological harm to a child by limiting him in everything. Best buy rubber boots and give enough to napryagatsya in puddles!
We are all from childhood and in one way or another, we all can understand that we need our children to be happy. And they need not so much. To love unconditionally, without comparisons to bans was low, and opportunities to Express themselves to the maximum. Sometimes just knowing that children are just children and let them be.
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