the experience of observation of clients who seek help with the problem of the emergence of the second family the husband, you can make a few General points. Husbands are polygamists (meaning men not Muslims) often consists of high constitutional sexuality (potency), parent family with adultery and divorce, a sufficiently high remuneration and career growth, and a well-developed responsibility for family and children.
Typically, a man gets a mistress after 10-15 years of married life, passionately in love during any age or family crises. And makes it clear to the mistress that has long fallen out of love with the lawful wife or refers to the frigidity of the wife. It is even possible to ad a sick wife, no longer able to have sexual contacts because of gynecological problems. And lives with her "unfortunate" only because of the children. These words are very inspiring mistress, and she begins to have a real battle for a decent, confident, financially independent man, to drag him away from his wife and quickly have a baby to hold it.
If the mistress in the struggle with rival-wife allows to the man feel in this relationship a real male, and he finds in it what does not satisfy it in the character and behavior of his wife, he gradually occur and thoughts about the baby. However, with the advent of a child the man is not going to divorce his wife.
not only that, his wife and children combine, a common past, the usual family traditions, habits, jointly acquired the house and farm. Realizing that her husband is unfaithful, the wife starts diligently to change for the better. She suddenly stops headache, increased sexual appetite, she's easy on the eyes (on fitness, beauty salons, money is not considered). And even if the loving wife finds out about the child she never wants to give a stranger a brazen shameless woman loved her husband. The decision to fight for her husband reinforces not only love, but also financial dependence on the husband.
of the wife starts the manipulation of children is enhanced by jealousy. The husband vows to love his wife and children and remains in the family. While appeals to the conscience of his wife, that he as a decent man should not only visit, but also to provide for their child, sometimes more than one (apartment, car and everything else). Husband for some time, satisfied with everything: favorite women stronger to prove to him his love. However, over time, manipulation, jealousy, tantrums, accusations of wives and guilt with a constant voltage because of the need to live for two families are already beginning to affect the nerves, health, quality of work, quantity of earnings, when every day costs will increase.
the wife begins to worry about the health of her husband. What would she do if something happens to the husband? Whole life to provide for her husband, and she dealt only with children in the home. How to survive as a brazen lover just robs the family of her husband? And how to deal with constant worrying about the betrayal of her husband, concern for the future of children, hidden behind the disease depression? Starts running to the doctors, astrologers, psychics, psychotherapists...
When the wife goes to a psychologist during psychotherapy is necessary to clarify the request, to understand what is really behind the question: "How to live with it?".
If the most important thing for her in whatever was to keep the husband in the family, it is important to work on overcoming the psychological dependence on her husband, jealousy, forgiveness and acceptance of her husband, who by fate is still owned by two women and two families. When the wife with the help of the specialist accepts responsibility for his choice to stay with a husband who lives for two families, it is done in order to preserve their physical and mental health and the health of the beloved but unfaithful husband. It is quite a difficult job for the therapist. And there is no guarantee that overcoming codependency will lead to the fact that his wife will stop having sexual interest in her husband, and she will have new plans and queries.
And if the wife comes with a request to overcome emotional and sexual dependence on her husband to break up with him, this problem is easier permitted after resources can be found to overcome anxiety and insecurity, defined and specified new goals and behavioral strategies.
However, every family psychologist will apply its approach and its tools of influence to fulfill the request of the client, depending on specialization in a particular area of psychotherapy.
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