If you generalize the reasons why people come to me for consultations, we can identify one common problem. This is a condition when a person a) cannot understand the causes of their emotions, b) cannot be arbitrarily stopped. "I don't know why it fills me with anxiety, why do I run from the store, why am I crying for any reason". "I don't know why I'm so sad, why I began to razdrazhat familiar people". "I can't help but scream at my husband, I can't get mad at the wife, parents."
you know the feeling? Some emotion literally grabs you, and dictates how you behave, how to react. And at the beginning of our work, no one believes that in fact he has a choice how to react. "He's the bastard pisses me off, if I say, that drove to work," "this is children do not want to listen to me and purposely piss me off," and so on. Someone all the time deprives you of choice. Creates a situation in which, quote, "any normal person should act like me", unquote.
Although there is no choice in reality only a very small number of situations. For example, when you put a gun to his head. Or when in a dark alley a group of drunken hooligans coming to you with knives in their hands. Or when you see departs from the platform your train, in the compartment where you forgot your wallet and documents. What unites these situations? The fact that they represent a clear and immediate threat to life and health, they do not depend on your will, your perception, you are powerless in front of their face. But the most important is the situation from the outside world. They do not leave you a choice of how to respond to them. Only to run.
In contrast to the above, everything else that my patients are regarded as a unique catastrophe, dictating to them their reaction is the result of their evaluation.
"I'll never find a husband and die alone." "I'll never be a good mother." "I will never be able to defeat your anxiety and go crazy". "The world should not be people who can betray me". Faith, naive, almost childlike, takes no arguments, faith is what it is. And man, as in the case of any faith, established religion - that is, rituals that serve that faith. Run from a serious relationship, hit or hyperopic children, handfuls drink tranquilizers or constantly checking your phone and move husband.
Notice? Not a situation dictates behavior. They choose it because we are convinced that their own created by their beliefs about what should and what should not be in this world is bullies in the alley, is a gun to my head, is that you can't refuse. Although when I ask them to not even "why do you think that there is no choice?", and "why you react, what do you need such behavior?", no one can answer. But the answer is as simple as it is naive: "to ensure that the world all became the way I want as I want."
Today, on this beautiful Sunday morning I have to go to work. Reason to worry? Probably, the reason. But I asked myself, why would I be upset? It will help me in the Sunday work? If it will make my day more enjoyable or not? It seems that there is. And on the way to work stopped at a cafe, took a Cup of aromatic Americano with milk, filled up favorite cherry tobacco and have written for this article. In the end, who's the boss, me or the mouse? And you have in mind who's the boss: you or your beliefs?
have a great weekend!
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