I know the feeling when every time you presenting yourself to others there is strong desire to hide. Becomes unbearably frightening.
Exposing the truth of inability to prediabetes as I am. You want to hide away. Others see aggressive and I'm small and weak.
As if there is some underlying defect that is difficult to hide.
I'm not, I should be ashamed of himself, I'm afraid I will notice it.
will Notice and attack me in my weak spot. And at this point I become very vulnerable. I'm not safe to predtavlyaetsya the world vulnerable.
So shrill it hurts that I have to hide from the world.
Or from yourself (if we are to be honest in their projections).
It's a pain that is always with me.
Pain not matching
"I'm not, I'm worse than others, I'm bad".
Like I always have to fit somewhere with your Luggage: in your view, other people's views, ideas, norms, rules...
And squeezed, become less, to cut yourself and stuff something in yourself.
How it is sometimes unbearably painful.
life is a desperate attempt to find answers to the questions:
Where's it you come from?
- Why do you think that other bump?
- Because you don't fit into others perceptions, ideas, expectations, and interests?
- In whose ideas you mostly don't fit?
- Who you so desperately don't want to disappoint?
- Why do you find it so vital?
it is Vital can be the child adult the figure, which depends on survival.
And, it so happens in these meaningful ways
that the way you are, I don't need you, I need you another one that fits my (sometimes very ambitious) expectations, because I can't deal with his feelings (all the feelings, feelings about you, myself around you).
I can not contain my disappointment in you and in himself.
I can't cope with what can't be proud of you.
Not because really there is nothing to be proud of, but because I have too high requirements, which you will not sootvetsvuet.
I can't deal with the fact that you don't fit into that picture.
You're different. I can't accept this difference.
And you are trying to do something.
And you're trying with him to do something.
And we are all equal, as if unable to meet, even at such a price.
In many ways, it is not yours, but my pain.
And I make you to blame for this.
I blame you, in fact, what you're doing.
I blame you for what you became, what you became, not became Someone I wanted to have you.
And maybe to spite me and did not...
But to live constantly in your accustomed size.
Constantly hold out.
Not live up to expectations.
And continuously strive for this and be ashamed of, that is.
Covering it with his oroshennoe about grandeur.
What kind of grandiosity?
As shame, generally can be something to try, go ahead, make mistakes, get hurt?...It wants only to disappear, to sit, to netsociety not to be.
looks Like a conflict of my interests and my inner parent is becoming a battleground.
How much power and humiliation in the message - become the way I want, do as I tell you, stop doing what you are doing is wrong, matching my expectations don't go over there, do not drink do not eat, I know better....
it is a mistake to assume that it is only parents with kids do it. This is largely impregnated with our life. Someone more sensitive to this, someone less. Someone silently resists, someone loudly:
"why did you decide that you know better how I should live and die?
Better for whom?"
Even if I by the standards of society lead unhealthy lifestyle.
And then I may be inclined to a greater degree, look for ways that will save me from excessive pain, that then causes a dependency.
inside, it seems to depend on the matching - I always impose on himself the measure correspond/do not correspond to people's expectations, their expectations, ideas, norms.
And often do not match.
And the line gives temporary relief.
It does not get rid of the pain.
the Mechanism has remained. I am doing this comparison with a constant.
Be yourself - it's much more framework of these representations.
This constant courage to live and to prove it.
how to cope with them if I'm inside me shattered feeling of its being wrong, feeling "I under".
Feeling fear is not before people, but before his sense of insignificance, a loss of self, the absence of the user of its right to be.... br>
And, so very often you will not notice, as framed, as to betray himself, at what point did you decide that the other is better at what point you don't have enough sense of self-righteousness.
Because the decision has already been made.
Because the shame is in the background, it does not appear at some point, it just is.
From this state difficult to defend against. You don't even have that right. You delegated it to another.
you need to return it.
the Way to return to themselves the right to be is a separation of oneself from parental figures, other significant figures, which can be in the merge depend on them. Experiencing in this process fear of abandonment, loneliness, shame, anger, despair, helplessness...And it's impossible not to remain affected.
It is a way of building their autonomy, borders, through the search for the desired distance, when I can love you and me at the same time, without betraying itself or you.
Sometimes it requires having to Wade through the shame, rejection of some ideas, values, disappointment in myself, in you other and sometimes the experience of fear and loneliness. This process, sometimes requiring accommodation the loss and destruction of those underlying structures that were, and the loss of the baby, who still doesn't understand how to live in this world without having all that he had. Because in the world before I had all the time to make yourself small. And now I need to grow up to grow up inside yourself and learn new ways to interact with the world.
And in this new world there are certainly some significant people who will say:
"Where did your mismatched expectations?
Although this is not so important already.
Matter what you do with them now.
What are you not able to forgive?
And get an answer - I could not forgive himself the weakness and helplessness because I am at this moment most vulnerable. I stop myself loving this place".
And the other one will begin again:
"maybe you should give up on their methods all the time to jump above the head, and maybe in you... and to despair and be reduced to a pulp.
completely to Despair, with tears and snot.
And to survive, in contact with the others, your disappointment in yourself, weakness, powerlessness, impotence, futility...
And get to experience what one did not fall apart - and you made it yourself so you and so survived the others.
Allow yourself sometimes to be weak and helpless. Be in your size.
Live, as you can - make mistakes, osibisa, fall, get up.
You live.
Forgive my helplessness...imperfection.
Because when you were born-it wasn't important.
And now you've grown.
And you don't have to live up to the expectations.
I'm sorry you had to do it. To put this barrier between the real and the ideal. Yourself and others.
You don't have to protect yourself and others from frustration.
it die illusion, but can be born something real.
I'm Sorry. If you can't forgive, forgive yourself for what you cannot forgive.
Just live as I can.
enough.
And even if you don't hear it the first time,
I will say it as many times as you want.
now, you need to live. To become your inner knowledge and experience.
don't wait for their idealism, to start trying. Because you can never start to try. But to sit and watch as life passes by and jealous of the bold.
Believe me, no one would blame you in your imperfection, teachers exposed - they are also imperfect.
Now you can just be
yourself and not to fit the picture.
It's not you.
And you are who you are. Alive. Real. Different".
!
