Most of us were brought up so that we were good, and not real; adaptable, reliable, adaptive, and not confident."
James Hollis
And, indeed, the tragedy of thousands of people that we do not know, do not know that we feel that it is possible, it is better for us, we generally seem unfamiliar with him.
most of the requests for therapy from men and middle-aged women that they don't understand who they are, do not know how to love themselves, others do not see their place in THEIR SINGLE life, and when faced with a crisis of middle age, when the old can not live, but in new ways it is unclear how, are at an impasse. The meaning is lost.
And how could he not be lost if the "don't be yourself, it is dangerous to life" sewn in us from birth.
Our native grandmothers and great-grandmothers, mythical ancestors, and here they are, dear, warm, those, who held our hands and kissed our heel, these women dug trenches, proposals husbands death, was daily waiting for funerals, standing at the bench for days on end, starving, freezing. And thus had time to love, to bear children. Our moms and dads, grandmothers and grandfathers.
And their main task was not "to harmoniously develop the personality of the child", and stupidly feed them and protect them from death.
this Fear - bound and in us. Not to themselves, need to survive, to accumulate, to cover the back on "rainy day", which (in the inner world) can occur whenever.
our great-Grandmother went to bed and didn't come or no black car, take away, or not all that expensive, forever.
Fear and instability. Minutest life. It is also in our program.
Several generations have survived tegelasi conditions. War, revolution, repression, depression, adjustment, crises..
My generation, born in the U.S.S.R. you don't know war, death, tears, and all the horror in practice, but we have invested more.
We said, "which means "don't want/want?! There is no such word! Is the word "need"!"
"How dare you think about yourself, you're selfish!"
"You're a disgrace to your parents, if you're trying to be like everyone"
"If you bring the hem, you're not my daughter"- these words are heard every second girl in those years.. And the mother.. the Mother is the one person in the world who was supposed to provide support, protection, and support, were ready to abandon their child for fear of their own fear of being rejected by society.
"What people will say" it was wayneee than the happiness of their own child and their own happiness.
And what was done to the child with his growing, rebellious youth without any support, but having parents willing to give up any minute from it," if not".
of Course, for survival as grandparents in the war,(then alive) was easier to freeze, to feel, to detach myself from my feelings (dissociirovati).
And how much resentment towards the mother then does not live now.
the Girl is 40, but the pain caused my mom 30 years ago is so alive that the girl was crying, remembering those years. Maybe mom is long gone on this earth, but the pain alive, the wound is bleeding.
How do you want to heal these wounds and breathe.
Yes, many years in Russia, people lived in fear of being banished, rejected, expelled from the pioneers, the Komsomol party.
"it was Impossible to be myself. It is dangerous to life".
And this program is hardwired into us.
" you can't be a".
And it is good that now have the opportunity to stop being afraid, to pay attention to your soul,
allow yourself to live your life, be happy...
Yes, it's big and long work. To understand the scenario, setup to accommodate their injuries, to heal their wounds, get to know yourself, to hear your voice to understand your desires and needs, to learn to love myself. But everything is possible.
you Can and should make efforts and go through the exclusion zone. To break the barbed wire fencing from living a happy life. Yes, it is necessary to make efforts. Otherwise, no way. Otherwise you'll have to live outside the wire, to fear the guards with dogs, which in reality does not exist. But the war continues inside. Who will win?
the Choice in this game called "YOUR LIFE" for you.
Please, spend in the way!
Your Olga Polonskaya, psychologist online
Skype o.polo2014
!
